DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had been recorded on video and audio on our daughter’s porch, pondering we had been speaking to one another privately.
We had been discussing how damage we had been that she didn’t wish to spend time with us on our fiftieth marriage ceremony anniversary, shortly after she and her husband moved out of state. They may simply have pushed to a brand new RV park near our home. Her aunt tried to speak along with her about seeing relations and being with us, however she refused.
We’ve supported our daughter regardless of all of the errors she has made.
She was offended that we had no good ideas concerning her new life in one other state and confronted me about my negativity, which was caught on digicam. I’ve apologized to no avail about my negativity, however I used to be offended and damage.
My husband believes she needs to be the one to forgive and overlook.
It’s been two years of sending Christmas and birthday playing cards with no acknowledgement. What to do?
— BUSTED IN GEORGIA
DEAR BUSTED: I agree along with your husband.
Keep in mind the adage, “The best defense is a good offense”? (It is usually often known as the strategic offensive precept of conflict.) Your daughter is aware of she was improper to not come to your anniversary celebration, and she or he additionally is aware of how upset you had been about it as a result of she has seen it on her doorbell digicam. Nevertheless, she doesn’t wish to admit she was improper and apologize.
What it is best to do now’s proceed sending vacation playing cards to let her know the ball is in her courtroom, and hope that, with time, she’s going to develop up.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve identified one another for 36 years and been married for 20. He has a extreme consuming downside.
He nonetheless works and doesn’t drink in the course of the workweek, however he makes up for it in spades on weekends.
We each stopped consuming alcohol 15 years in the past. I by no means began once more, however he did, and now he can’t cease. He’s too proud to hunt skilled assist. He’s an engineer and thinks he can give up on his personal, however he’s solely fooling himself.
My downside is that he retires quickly, and I’m afraid he shall be drunk on a regular basis. To me, it’s a deal-breaker.
We’re each in our 70s. I retired 15 years in the past. If I go away him, I’ve nowhere to go, with solely SSA to assist myself.
Any recommendation you might have is welcome as a result of I’m at my wits’ finish with the entire thing.
— FLOUNDERING IN UTAH
DEAR FLOUNDERING: Since you didn’t point out Al-Anon, the 12-step program that helps mates and households affected by a beloved one’s consuming, I’ll assume you’ve by no means attended any of their conferences. Go surfing to al-anon.org/data and discover out whether or not there are conferences close to you. (You might be shocked to find there are numerous.)
For those who attend conferences, you’ll find others who’re experiencing issues much like yours and study coping strategies. You may even discover a roommate should you select to maneuver out. Please don’t wait to begin.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
