DEAR ABBY: My partner and I’ve been fortunately married for 31 years. Nonetheless, we have now a strained relationship with our daughter “Willa.”
I’ll admit we have been laborious on Willa rising up, however we all the time mentioned she might reside at dwelling whereas going to high school. She’s a tough employee, and we have now informed her how proud we’re of her accomplishments. She’s going to high school, works two jobs and has by no means wanted something from us.
Though we don’t like her pothead/never-held-a-job boyfriend of 4 years, we’ve tried to just accept him. We even paid for a household trip and included him.
Now we see our daughter solely on particular events. We did household remedy to assist our relationship, however she stopped going when the boyfriend got here into the image.
My query is: How can I’ve an excellent relationship with my daughter?
— MISSING IT IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR MISSING IT: You created a daughter who’s self-reliant, hardworking and impartial, and who probably distanced herself from you since you have been so “hard” on her whereas she was rising up.
I don’t know whether or not I ought to congratulate you or commiserate with you, however so far as having a detailed relationship together with your daughter, that ship could have sailed — except you may persuade Willa to get again into household remedy with you.
DEAR ABBY: “Tony” and I dated for 2 years earlier than our son was born. We break up up seven years in the past, and it’s been on and off since then.
This previous yr we have now been rising nearer once more, and I requested him what he desires. Tony mentioned he doesn’t need a romantic relationship with anybody proper now as a result of he’s engaged on his anger points. He’s a former fight Marine, and he’s had these points for years.
I’ve been trustworthy about wanting a relationship when he’s prepared, however I’m actually confused with the combined messages he sends me.
I requested about setting boundaries we each agree on, however Tony says he doesn’t want any and that I ought to do what I really feel is correct for me. This leaves me feeling I’d be getting used if the scenario turns into intimate.
I’ve drawn the boundary at no intercourse except we’re in a relationship. Tony treats me like a pal and needs to hug or kiss me at instances.
I really feel that as a result of we don’t at present need the identical relationship, I ought to transfer on. What’s your recommendation?
— ON HOLD IN OHIO
DEAR ON HOLD: I’m sorry you didn’t point out how Tony’s anger points manifest themselves. If they’re so extreme that he acts out, he does want skilled assist.
You may have properly postponed having (extra) intercourse with him with out some sort of dedication, which he’s unwilling to make.
From what you’ve got written, your son’s father isn’t fascinated by greater than a pleasant relationship with you so he can have one along with his son. Whereas I like that, I do not suppose you need to plan on a future with him, or you would find yourself ready ceaselessly.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
