DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be raised to consider it’s impolite to level, particularly in public.
After I was married, my partner had a behavior of pointing, whether or not in a crowded room or on the road. I attempted to softly recommend that the motion was impolite, however he was adamant that no such rule existed.
I’ve appeared for help in etiquette books and have come up empty-handed.
For my very own peace of thoughts, what’s your opinion on this?
GENTLE READER: You’re, generally, appropriate. However as you had been sort sufficient to provide honest warning that your curiosity will not be disinterested, Miss Manners will add that there are exceptions — reminiscent of pointing on the truck rushing in direction of your former partner as you warn him to get out of the way in which. Must you be so inclined.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I simply began a brand new job, and a gaggle textual content chat was created for us to speak about our shift availability. Nevertheless, staff have begun utilizing this chat for small discuss.
I can’t merely mute it, as a result of I would miss essential work data. They’re all fantastic folks, however I don’t need my cellphone blowing up!
How do I talk this politely and with out hurting emotions?
GENTLE READER: As that is now a really frequent downside with a generally horrible answer, Miss Manners is completely happy to supply a well mannered one.
The everyday answer is to berate co-workers for misusing the channel, which is rude, hurts everybody’s emotions and doesn’t work.
A greater answer requires extra persistence. Create a second group textual content chat for private issues — feigning curiosity in such issues if you must — and direct private issues there. Repeat your directions as typically as essential. You’ll be able to then mute the second channel.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I invited two different {couples} to dinner.
Each {couples} instantly accepted the invitation, however knowledgeable me of the next: One visitor is on a low-salt weight-reduction plan and is making an attempt to chop out sugar. One other is avoiding gluten and dairy. The third mentioned he doesn’t eat meat, and the fourth is allergic to fish.
What do I do?
GENTLE READER: That is what occurs after we hearken to the gang who insists we dispense with etiquette as a result of it exalts kind over substance. They justify themselves by citing a legendary time when visitors had been barred from alerting hosts to severe medical circumstances — and had been presumably then wheeled off to the emergency room throughout dessert.
Good hosts have all the time needed their visitors to outlive the night. In addition they need visitors to get pleasure from themselves. And good visitors, for his or her half, by no means needed to place their hosts to pointless bother.
In your case, Miss Manners has no hesitation in recommending you present alternate options for the vegetarian, the visitor with a fish allergy, and even the one on a weight-reduction plan.
It’s the visitors who’re merely “avoiding” issues that baffle her. The best answer could also be to explain the proposed meal prematurely within the hopes of discovering out if these avoidances stem from severe circumstances — or if the visitors are merely repeating physician’s directions that they haven’t any intention of following.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
