These poor house hunters.
They arrive in New York Metropolis solely to be shellacked by merciless actuality.
Our emptiness charge stands at a minuscule 1.4%. And the median hire in Manhattan is an insulting $4,500.
Hey, New York! Goodbye, financial savings!
And now, including to their throbbing migraine is a demented checklist from a web site known as Area of interest: 2025’s Greatest Neighborhoods to Reside in New York Metropolis.
Belief this information if you wish to break your life.
Maybe an overworked intern blended up the outcomes from “Areas to Definitely Avoid on a Friday Night”?
However no, this AI-esque assemblage is actual and supposedly “based on crime, public schools, cost of living, job opportunities and local amenities” and never the results of a recreation of Pin the Tail on the Borough.
One borough specifically. All however 5 of the 25 spots are in Manhattan. Park Slope, apparently, is a complete s–thole. Astoria, steer clear.
As a substitute, Area of interest says elevate your children in No. 4, Hell’s Kitchen.
In that oasis of peace they will benefit from the double-digit stretch of Ninth Avenue homosexual bars, greasy quick meals till 4 a.m. and an all-night refrain of sloppy drunks.
And who doesn’t dream of sharing a nabe with the Port Authority bus terminal?
Ludicrous No. 3 is close by, and it’s the place Area of interest actually dropped the ball: The Theater District.
That’s the 13 jam-packed blocks which might be house to Broadway reveals similar to “Wicked” and “The Lion King.” It’s additionally the situation of Occasions Sq. — the preferred vacationer vacation spot within the US, with 50 million guests a yr, all of whom gawk transfixed at big LCD screens as they stroll like turtles.
It’s the neighborhood that has impressed generations of Midwesterners to say, “New York is fun for a weekend.”
Have been I to make a listing of the very best locations to odor pot, burning caramel corn and Elmo’s BO earlier than stepping right into a viscous puddle of goo on the sidewalk, the Theater District would simply prime it.
No. 2? Kips Bay.
Some out-of-towners are asking, “What’s Kips Bay?”
Additionally, some New Yorkers are asking, “What’s Kips Bay?”
Their query is a philosophical one. For if you find yourself in Kips Bay, you’re each in all places and nowhere.
Kips Bay is the place your school pal’s 28-year-old brother lives. He wears a tie to a job he by no means discusses. He doesn’t keep in mind what occurred on St. Patrick’s Day, his favourite day of the yr.
Spanning East twenty third Avenue to East thirty fourth Avenue, Kips Bay has no defining options. It’s the highest spot for dropping off dry cleansing and having to stroll 25 minutes to get nearly anyplace. A minimum of, there are not any guests, since there’s completely nothing for them to do.
Which brings me to No. 1 — Little Italy.
Little Italy, lotta vacationers.
These pink double-decker buses are obsessive about this trappy vacation spot the place hardly any Italians really dwell.
The house of the annual Feast of San Gennaro is the place you emphatically discourage your touring pals from consuming overpriced pasta. “Try Arthur Avenue in the Bronx instead,” you say to deaf ears.
Look, I’ve nothing in opposition to Little Italy besides that it’s crowded and costly and the flats are previous and small and I’d quite eat elsewhere. However to name it the very best neighborhood to dwell in NYC is preposterous.
Anyway, everyone is aware of the place New Yorkers head once they’re involved about crime, public faculties, value of dwelling, job alternatives and native facilities.
Florida!
