DEAR ABBY: I’m a middle-aged slender lady born right into a household of girls who’ve all the time struggled with weight.
Ever since I can bear in mind, I’ve been subjected to nasty gibes and microaggressions relating to my weight.
My siblings have all the time saved a detailed eye on my waistline for clues that I could possibly be gaining. They’ve additionally bullied and excluded me, and I’ve lengthy suspected the rationale has one thing to do with my weight.
Relying on my life-style and the season, my weight fluctuates by about 10 kilos. When touring relations go to, I all the time hear, “You’re so skinny! I’m so jealous!” Or, if I’ve placed on just a few kilos, “You look really healthy!”
Not one of the different ladies in my household are on the receiving finish of those unwelcome feedback, and I really feel objectified and embarrassed by all this.
I’m greater than a physique. I’m a form and caring human being who simply needs to be accepted and revered by relations I really like, regardless of their annoying feedback.
How can I get them to cease seeing me as a physique and begin seeing me because the caring human being I’m? I would like these feedback to cease.
— THIN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR THIN: It could be time to strategy these kin head-on and say one thing like this:
“For years I have watched you struggle unsuccessfully with your weight. Frankly, it has made me feel guilty for being thin. It’s possible that I was born with a higher metabolism than the rest of you, which is not my fault. In all this time, I have never commented about your weight. So please, from now on, quit commenting about mine, because I find it embarrassing for all of us.”
DEAR ABBY: My husband hates my special-needs sister.
He allowed her to return on one brief trip however stated she was terrible, annoying and a nasty affect on the children. She doesn’t curse or do something inappropriate. She is lazy and overweight, however the youngsters love her and requested for her to return.
He additionally screams at me if she calls, which she does generally as a result of I’m her authorized guardian and handle her funds. He needs me to cease doing it and switch her over utterly to the state.
I really like my sister, and it breaks my coronary heart that he hates her, doesn’t need her to go to annually for just a few days and accuses me of not caring about his emotions or listening to him.
He’s underneath numerous stress and simply hates having her round him. Should I minimize ties with my sister to make him comfortable?
— PULLED IN TWO IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PULLED: It seems you married a egocentric, unsupportive, controlling man who lacks empathy for folks with disabilities. I hope you gained’t collapse to his calls for and desert your sister who wants you.
He has no proper to berate you for fulfilling a household obligation. If he can’t stand having her go to, maybe he ought to take a small trip through the few days she’s with you. Draw the road and demand upon it earlier than he swallows you up totally.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
