DEAR ABBY: I’ve a good friend, “Doug,” I’ve recognized for 30 years. I moved away, however we get collectively a couple of times a yr.
I’ve recognized his spouse longer than him and watched their son develop up, attending his sports activities actions when visiting and contributing to high school fundraising actions. He’s child.
I’ve lately heard rumors that Doug has made inappropriate advances towards and touched girls inside our circle of mates. Sadly, there was multiple accusation. I don’t mistrust these rumors. One such incident occurred whereas I used to be there. Whereas I didn’t witness it, the habits following the occasion is smart to me now.
I’m unhappy, disillusioned and a bit indignant. I’ve distanced myself from Doug as a result of one of many victims can also be an in depth good friend. I really feel responsible for sustaining a relationship with him as if nothing has occurred.
I’m frequently requested by Doug’s spouse and son when I’m going to go to once more. Now that I’m semi-retired, I’m out of excuses.
I can’t simply go off the grid, and I clearly don’t need to be the one to destroy the household. I additionally don’t need to dishonor the sufferer by behaving as if nothing has occurred. Is there a approach out of this?
— TORN IN WISCONSIN
DEAR TORN: I’ll assume that the good friend Doug touched inappropriately informed you what occurred, and also you didn’t hear about it secondhand. If that’s the case, the rumors are credible.
Did this modification in Doug’s habits occur as a result of he was drunk or in any other case impaired? If the reply is not any, he could have a medical downside and must be evaluated by his physician.
If you’re actually a good friend of his spouse’s, inform her what you have been informed, that rumors are being circulated and that you’re involved about him. It is probably not information she desires to listen to, however it’s vital she be informed.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a person who lately discovered a brand new job with a gaggle of individuals I get to know and like.
One among my siblings died by suicide a bit greater than 10 years in the past. I miss her very a lot, however I’ve moved by means of the phases of grief, accepted it and moved on.
We had a celebration at work lately. Folks have been speaking about household and siblings, and it got here my flip to talk of my siblings. I mentioned I’ve two, however one is deceased. I felt prefer it wasn’t the best response on this scenario, which I’ve been in a number of occasions over time.
What could be the easiest way to reply a query concerning a deceased sibling? I don’t need to neglect her and all the good reminiscences I had along with her.
— AWKWARD IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR AWKWARD: You dealt with the scenario appropriately.
You aren’t obligated to debate the demise by suicide of a sibling, or another relative for that matter, throughout a celebration. To do in any other case would definitely have sobered the celebratory environment. That is one thing that’s higher mentioned privately in the event you want to.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For those who or somebody is scuffling with emotions of melancholy or suicidal ideas, the 988 Suicide & Disaster Lifeline affords free, round the clock assist, data and sources for assist. Name or textual content the lifeline at 988, or see the 988lifeline.org web site, the place chat is obtainable.
