DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged to a stunning younger lady, whom my son’s mom and I like so much.
The bride-to-be’s father, a really good man, introduced that he could be paying for the marriage “as is tradition” so as to assist the couple, as they’re nonetheless simply beginning their careers.
I advised him that it was beneficiant of him to supply, however that having the daddy of the bride foot the whole invoice for the marriage was outdated, and requested him what bills I may decide up. He advised me custom states I ought to host the rehearsal dinner, to which I agreed.
The issue is that I don’t assume they will afford a marriage.
I do know from my son, and from having met them, that the bride’s dad and mom don’t have numerous more money. As plans have progressed, it’s clear they’re taking shortcuts to save lots of bills — issues like asking relations (who should not caterers) to cater the marriage, and recruiting a pal (who shouldn’t be a photographer) to deal with the photographs.
I don’t assume they’re being low cost; they’re simply on a price range.
My son has talked about that he and his bride are a bit dissatisfied at a few of these selections, however that they don’t wish to say something since her father is paying. They don’t wish to look a present horse within the mouth.
I’ve been blessed to have carried out very effectively professionally, and will pay for a pleasant marriage ceremony with out it being a burden. I wish to method the daddy of the bride and say one thing alongside the strains of, “Don’t ask guests to work the wedding; let me pick up some of these bills.”
I don’t wish to insult him, although. It appears clear to me he’s pridefully making an attempt to host his daughter’s marriage ceremony with out monetary assist.
Is there a means I can once more supply to contribute with out insulting him?
GENTLE READER: Nonsensical although it might sound, the answer is to simply accept the premise that the daddy of the bride is paying for the marriage — after which method him solely about particular objects.
So, for instance, wait to listen to that the daddy of the bride has requested your nephew to take pictures — when you recognize your nephew doesn’t wish to achieve this, and can gratefully bow out if requested. You’ll be able to then ask, apologetically, if you happen to can maintain (relatively than pay for) the pictures, and say how a lot you’ll respect having the ability to take action.
Everybody’s delight is unbroken, everybody feels good, nobody has been referred to as ignorant of contemporary practices, and Miss Manners cares not a whit that kindness and diplomacy have taken priority over frank confrontation.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
