DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was lately a part of a marriage celebration, performing as a flower lady for a relative of my ex-husband.
My ex and I had been nonetheless married when the bride requested for my permission for this, and I agreed.
The bride requested me for a photograph of my daughter to placed on a marriage web site. Involved about privateness for my younger daughter, I requested if the web site was going to be public. She stated it might be password-protected and solely accessed by the marriage celebration, so I despatched her a photograph.
I additionally requested the bride to make use of my daughter’s full, appropriate title (assume “Mary Ann”) wherever it appeared; my ex-husband’s household and mates all started calling her (e.g.) “Mary” years in the past, ignoring my requests to make use of her full title. The bride agreed.
The marriage passed off 10 months later, after I had left my marriage. I used to be not a part of the occasion, nor had I anticipated to be.
Shortly after the marriage, I discovered that the web site was public and simply accessible. My daughter’s image was public, alongside together with her first and final title — and the bride had used Mary as a substitute of Mary Ann.
I requested my ex-husband about this, as he has made it clear that our daughter’s privateness is necessary to him. He stated he knew nothing concerning the web site, although he had been despatched a password to entry it. He provided to ask the bride, after her honeymoon, to make the positioning non-public and proper our daughter’s title. (For privateness, I don’t assume the bride ought to have listed kids’s final names in any respect.)
I do know the couple has been again from their honeymoon journey for not less than per week, and but nothing has modified on the web site.
Ought to the bride have honored my requests, each for the privateness of the web site and using my daughter’s full title? Or did my divorcing her relative relieve her of that duty?
GENTLE READER: The privateness request, sure, she ought to have. The title change, no: If the remainder of the household is utilizing the brief model, it is going to really feel quarrelsome to insist. And since one in every of your contentions is that you do not need your daughter’s full title used anyway, it’s an odd argument.
Miss Manners suggests, as a substitute, that you simply write a form notice to the bride saying that the marriage regarded stunning and that Mary Ann had an exquisite time, however that if the bride may please double-check that the web site is password-protected, you’d be grateful.
The truth that you, who weren’t a visitor, may simply discover and entry it ought to quell any rivalry that it was non-public.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
