DEAR HARRIETTE: My buddy retains telling others about my personal enterprise, and it’s beginning to really feel like an actual betrayal.
I lately began seeing somebody new, and since my buddy and I are very shut, I shared the information together with her. I used to be excited to inform her, and I trusted her to maintain it between us. However nearly instantly, I began listening to from different buddies and even some informal acquaintances asking me in regards to the new man I’m seeing!
It’s irritating as a result of I’m nonetheless attending to know him, and I wished to maintain issues quiet till I felt extra snug and surer in regards to the relationship.
I really feel like my privateness has been invaded, and I’m starting to query whether or not I can belief her with different private issues.
I do know she in all probability didn’t imply any hurt and was simply excited for me, however this has actually bothered me, particularly as a result of it’s not the primary time she’s finished one thing like this.
How ought to I confront her about this? I worth our friendship, however I additionally want her to respect my boundaries and perceive how vital privateness is to me.
— Violated
DEAR VIOLATED: Your buddy has beforehand confirmed to you that she can’t maintain confidence. Since you already know that, you can’t be mad at her now for performing in a method she has already demonstrated that she acts.
Is that this unhappy? Sure, because you wish to have somebody to inform your secrets and techniques. However she has proven you that she can’t be trusted to try this. If you wish to have a detailed buddy with whom you’ll be able to inform such intimacies, you need to hunt down another person.
Certain, you’ll be able to reprimand your buddy and inform her how upset you’re that she violated your confidence. She is going to apologize and promise to not do it once more, however the chances are high nice that she’s going to, as a result of that is what she does.
As a substitute, get pleasure from your man, and revel in your buddy for who she is, however maintain your eyes open for a brand new buddy who could also be higher at conserving secrets and techniques.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 17 years previous and an extremely gifted ballerina. She has devoted numerous hours to her coaching, and it’s clear she has the potential to pursue dance as a profession if she chooses.
She completely loves dancing; it’s her ardour and one thing that lights her up. Nonetheless, as her mom, I’m more and more apprehensive in regards to the poisonous points of the dance world.
Just lately, her coach started making feedback about her needing to be thinner if she ever needs to go skilled, and I can see how these remarks are affecting her. She’s already so disciplined together with her weight-reduction plan and train, and I worry that specializing in her weight may result in dangerous habits or injury her vanity.
I don’t need her to compromise her well being or sense of self-worth for the sake of assembly another person’s unrealistic requirements. On the similar time, I do know that dance is aggressive, and that sure pressures include the trade.
I wish to assist her desires, however I’m torn between encouraging her and defending her from a doubtlessly dangerous surroundings.
How can I assist her by means of these pressures with out ruining her love for ballet?
— Ballet Worries
DEAR BALLET WORRIES: Encourage your daughter to eat in a wholesome method and have a tendency to her physique. Don’t discourage her from her ardour — it wouldn’t work, anyway.
Listen, and if you happen to discover unhealthy behaviors, gently discuss to her about her selections.
Her subject is a tricky one for physique picture. Along with your assist, hopefully she’s going to make sensible selections alongside the way in which. As her curiosity on this profession develops, it may be price asking her physician about wholesome consuming selections for ballerinas.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
