DEAR READERS: I haven’t executed this earlier than — run an entire day of your responses to a single letter — however I’m doing so now since you received so fired up.
Right here’s what a number of of you needed to say about “No More Babies,” the girl with 5 kids whose husband wished her to have a tubal ligation.
DEAR HARRIETTE: If the burden on the physique of a vasectomy and a tubal ligation have been comparable, I believe your recommendation can be (virtually) truthful. Nonetheless, the fact is that vasectomies are much less invasive, require much less restoration time and are extra simply reversed than a tubal ligation.
For that husband to ask his spouse to undergo a extra sophisticated, extra painful and extra everlasting process after she has already put her physique via 5 pregnancies is extremely egocentric.
Even when they have been comparable, certain it could be “fair” to each topic themselves to the process, however it could even be inefficient at greatest and merciless at worst.
He ought to get the vasectomy and depart her physique out of it.
— Duh?
DEAR HARRIETTE: Actually? “No more sex until you both have undergone the procedures”?
Withholding intercourse to get what you need is by no means good for a relationship; it turns a shared intimate, emotional expertise and expression of affection right into a transaction.
I agree that this couple has a significant issue that must be labored out collectively. This disagreement may be an indication of different points of their marriage that must be addressed. Nonetheless, utilizing intercourse as a bartering chip to control and management your associate is just not the best way to go.
— Extra Than One Method To Keep away from Being pregnant
DEAR HARRIETTE: Recommending no intercourse till the husband modifications his thoughts with out questions on condoms or different contraception? Positive, punt them on their option to divorce.
— No Assist at All
DEAR HARRIETTE: Sorry, Harriette, however I’m going to need to completely disagree with the recommendation that you just gave “No More Babies.”
You recommended that she stand her floor and declare no extra intercourse till he received a vasectomy. Nope! Her physique has gone via the modifications of 5 pregnancies, not his. For her personal peace of thoughts and physique, she ought to get her tubes tied.
— Tubes Tied After Two
DEAR HARRIETTE: To “No More Babies”: Neglect about having a tubal ligation and urge your husband to recover from himself. He’s being immature and egocentric.
Your physique has been via sufficient! It’s a lot simpler and cheaper for a person to get a vasectomy than it’s for a lady to have a tubal ligation. My husband had it executed, and it was a breeze.
— Pleased in Ohio
DEAR HARRIETTE: Though I believe they each want higher communication, I really feel your reply has now turned intercourse right into a weapon, which is not good or wholesome for any relationship — married or not.
I’d counsel the husband put on condoms. It nonetheless forces your level with out weaponizing one thing that could be a huge a part of a relationship.
— A Man’s Perspective
DEAR READERS: Thanks to your care and outrage — at each the couple and me — in addition to your considerate responses.
Marriage, constructing household and coping with change alongside the best way might be robust. Placing your self within the different individual’s sneakers with compassion might be extraordinarily useful.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
