DEAR MISS MANNERS: My household and I are large followers of potluck dinners.
We offer a considerable essential dish, plus typically dessert or salad, and benefit from the number of dishes our visitors convey — typically even being left a few of their choices to get pleasure from later.
Internet hosting this fashion additionally signifies that those that have particular dietary wants, or who’re choosy eaters, could have meals they will eat. They will have what they introduced, if nothing else.
This labored nice for years, till the day a visitor got here to me and mentioned there was nothing they might eat. The one meals Restricted Eating regimen Particular person had introduced was a tiny salad.
I rummaged round within the freezer to see what I might thaw out on quick discover. When I discovered one thing, RDP mentioned they’d already had that this week and needed one thing else. “This is what I have,” I instructed RDP, and began thawing the merchandise and cooking some pasta to go together with it.
Quickly, somebody arrived with a dish RDP might eat, in order that they ate that and never what I had ready for them.
I instructed my husband that if this occurred once more, I’d let him take care of RDP. He’s the one which invitations this individual, whom he feels sorry for as a result of they don’t have any buddies.
Was there a greater option to have dealt with this?
GENTLE READER: Though it’s clear why this individual has no buddies, you may have feigned a bit extra sympathy than you felt.
Miss Manners will name issues even — and conform to proceed with the plan to let your husband take care of your troublesome visitor subsequent time — if you’ll remind your husband to select one thing up for mentioned visitor earlier than the subsequent occasion.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I discuss my preferences for the artwork I devour with out demeaning others’ tastes or seeming like a snob?
For instance, lots of my buddies get pleasure from superhero motion pictures and cartoons. I don’t; I don’t discover these motion pictures fascinating or unique. I acknowledge, although, that the love my buddies have for these big-name franchises is deep!
I don’t need to make my buddies really feel lesser for his or her tastes. I additionally don’t need to feign curiosity, or say, “I wouldn’t watch that myself, but I’m glad you like it!” as each really feel condescending.
How can I respectfully talk about artwork when there are such diverging tastes?
GENTLE READER: Friendship requires reciprocity, so if you’re unwilling to pay attention, no less than often, to them speaking concerning the entertainments they get pleasure from, you’ll both need to restrict your discussions with them to subjects of identified mutual enthusiasm — or discover different buddies.
As a lifelong opera lover, Miss Manners believes that should you can sit via a cartoon or two in change for introducing them to the appropriate opera — one stuffed with the intercourse and violence they relish, which shouldn’t be arduous to seek out — you may discover that the artwork itself is its personal finest champion.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
