DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter not too long ago acquired into bother in school, and now I’m torn about whether or not to let her go forward with the celebration we’ve been planning for her.
The state of affairs in school was severe: She was disrespectful to a trainer and broke a number of the college guidelines.
Once I spoke to her about it, she appeared remorseful, however I’m not completely positive if she understands the gravity of her actions or how her conduct displays on her character and values.
Her birthday is arising in only a few weeks, and we’ve already began organizing a celebration for her with family and friends. Nevertheless, I’m combating whether or not it’s acceptable to reward her with an enormous celebration so quickly after this incident.
A part of me seems like canceling or suspending the occasion may ship a stronger message about accountability and the significance of excellent conduct.
Then again, I don’t wish to be overly harsh. She’s an adolescent, and I do know that youngsters her age are nonetheless studying and making errors. Canceling her occasion may really feel like an extreme punishment and will injury our relationship.
Ought to we permit her to maintain the occasion on her birthday?
— Disciplinary Woes
DEAR DISCIPLINARY WOES: Relatively than ready till your daughter’s birthday to punish her, do one thing now to make sure that she understands the gravity of her actions.
Take away her cellphone for a few weeks; require her to put in writing an essay about what it means to be accountable for her actions. Have her ponder what occurred, and craft an apology that delineates her understanding of what she did unsuitable and the way she will be able to keep away from making such a foul resolution sooner or later.
Don’t anticipate the birthday, as they’re unrelated. Tackle this example now.
You may as well simplify the occasion if you happen to assume that can ship a further message, however you don’t need to cancel it. As a substitute, are inclined to this indiscretion now.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 38 years outdated. I’ve been married for 2 years, and I gave delivery to my first baby six months in the past.
Though I’m having fun with motherhood, giving delivery was under no circumstances what I anticipated. Labor was not straightforward on me. I needed to be induced, and although I wasn’t dilating, I used to be in a lot ache. My blood strain rose, and I ended up having an emergency C-section.
That was a very scary expertise for me, and at my age, I don’t imagine a second time round could be simpler.
My husband needs extra kids. I like being a mother to my lovely boy, and I’m more than pleased with simply the three of us.
When he discusses future siblings for our child, I attempt to dial him again by saying it was so much on me or ask why he needs extra, however we’re nonetheless not on the identical web page.
Is that this type of concern value going to remedy for? Or is it OK to simply accept that I don’t wish to try this once more?
— One other Baby
DEAR ANOTHER CHILD: Speak to your OB-GYN to achieve perception about your well being and choices.
Be frank along with your husband about your emotions right this moment primarily based on what occurred to you whenever you gave delivery. Inform him that proper now, you aren’t prepared. Be clear that your resolution shall be primarily based by yourself consolation degree and your physician’s advice, and don’t neglect that adoption is at all times an possibility.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
