DEAR ABBY: I labored greater than 5 years for a supervisor who hated me and let me and everybody else comprehend it.
She would carry treats for the crew however not for me. Throughout my fifth 12 months of working for her, I simply misplaced it sooner or later. She walked as much as me and after some forwards and backwards stated, “F— you!” I stated it again to her, loud sufficient for everybody within the entrance workplace to listen to.
It was a giant mess, however I couldn’t maintain it in anymore. I’d been picked on and harassed and subjected to a hostile work setting.
Anyway, that supervisor was in the end compelled to retire, as had been a few of her favorites.
My drawback now’s that my ex-supervisor’s mates who nonetheless work within the workplace are making it tough for me to not curse them out as they’re making snide remarks.
I used to be advised that if I had any extra outbursts, I might be terminated instantly. I’ve even been to remedy. I don’t know what else to do. Please assist.
— PERSECUTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR PERSECUTED: When you haven’t already carried out so, begin documenting these snide remarks. Then current them to the entrance workplace administration or HR and level out that though the unique abusers are gone, there are nonetheless workers making a hostile work setting.
If it isn’t corrected, speak with an lawyer. On the identical time you might be doing that, hold your eyes open for an additional job.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve three children. One in all them, “Jake,” is in his early 20s. He has medical points, so he has at all times been babied to a sure diploma.
Jake has struggled with jobs, medication, mates and locations to dwell. By some means, he at all times finally ends up again with me.
I do know I’m an enabler. I’ve kicked him out earlier than, however I by no means hand over on him. I attempt to be a constructive position mannequin as a result of his father has by no means been in his life.
As a consequence of his previous mishaps, Jake has wronged lots of people who now shun him. I lose high quality time with my different children as a result of they refuse to be round him.
I’ve a comfortable spot for my “black sheep” as a result of I’m the one in my household. I’m just about the one one who helps him, and in his eyes, I’m the one one who “cares.”
However I’ve lastly reached the purpose the place I really feel he must develop up and cease leaping from job to job, home to accommodate, buddy to buddy and calling me for assist.
How do I let him know with out making him really feel he isn’t needed? I like him, however I’m carried out being his enabler.
— REACHED THE POINT IN FLORIDA
DEAR REACHED: Inform Jake earlier than his subsequent disaster that you simply love him however are carried out being his enabler.
Inform him his persistent issues are self-generated, and any further he must clear up them with out involving you, which is what adults do, and that you’re doing this for his personal good. Then keep on with it.
To do that could require your speaking with a therapist as a result of it’s nearly assured your son can be again attempting to enlist your assist. But it surely was your abundance of assist that fostered his being within the state of affairs he’s in as we speak.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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