DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been married to my husband for a 12 months, and I like him, however I’ve come to appreciate that he has a whole lot of unresolved points from his childhood that also have an effect on him in the present day.
He grew up in a troublesome surroundings, and whereas he’s labored laborious to construct a very good life for himself, I can see how the ache and trauma from these early years linger in his habits and mindset.
He struggles to open up emotionally and infrequently bottles up his emotions till they arrive out in bursts of frustration or anger.
I imagine remedy might assist him work by his challenges, achieve some peace of thoughts and enhance his total temper and outlook on life.
The issue is, each time I deliver up the concept of remedy, he shuts it down instantly. He says he doesn’t want it, that he can deal with his points on his personal and that remedy isn’t one thing “real men” do.
It breaks my coronary heart to see him carrying such a heavy emotional burden, particularly when I understand how significantly better he might really feel if he allowed himself to hunt assist.
How can I encourage my husband to think about remedy with out making him really feel like I’m criticizing him or questioning his masculinity?
— Remedy Now
DEAR THERAPY NOW: Be affected person. It could take time to your husband to think about remedy.
In the meantime, search for books that will present perception into coping with childhood trauma that will open his eyes. One title, “Healing Childhood Trauma,” by Robin Marvel, might assist. It’s obtainable as an audiobook.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in my 20s, and these days, I’ve been scuffling with a critical case of FOMO (concern of lacking out).
Most of my associates are ready the place they will afford to exit frequently, whether or not it’s dinners at stylish eating places, nights out at bars or weekend getaways.
I’m on a a lot tighter finances, and I can’t sustain financially.
I see their group photos on social media or hear them speaking in regards to the enjoyable they’d, and it’s a relentless reminder that I’m lacking out. They invite me to affix, however I usually must make excuses or decline as a result of I merely can’t afford it.
I’ve tried suggesting cheaper options, like film nights at dwelling or potlucks, however they appear extra taken with going out and spending cash.
I don’t wish to isolate myself or appear to be a boring, broke pal; on the similar time, I’m making an attempt to be accountable with my funds and prioritize my long-term objectives, like paying off pupil loans and saving for the long run.
How can I take care of these emotions of FOMO?
— Managing Relationships
DEAR MANAGING RELATIONSHIPS: Congratulations on working to be answerable for your life, particularly within the face of the good temptation to attempt to hold with your folks who’ve deeper pockets. It isn’t simple to maintain your eyes in your objectives, however you might be doing it.
Take a look at your pal group, and establish who you are feeling closest to. Confide that you simply want to spend extra time with them, however you merely can’t afford it. Ask if that individual would ever think about doing various enjoyable actions that don’t require an excessive amount of cash.
Open your eyes to see who else in your orbit would get pleasure from your organization. It could be time to increase your pal group so that you simply push previous FOMO and create your individual experiences.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
