DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve three youngsters, ages 16, 5 and a pair of. My husband and I each work lengthy hours, and since we’re a low-income household, we’ve needed to rely closely on our 16-year-old to assist with little one take care of her youthful siblings.
We’ve all the time been grateful for her assist, however lately, she had an emotional breakdown and confronted us about how overwhelmed and sad she feels.
She advised us that it’s unfair that she’s anticipated to babysit her siblings so usually and totally free, and that she’s been compelled to sacrifice quite a lot of her social life and private time due to it. She looks like she doesn’t get to be a standard teenager who can hang around together with her pals or be a part of college actions.
Her phrases actually hit me exhausting; I didn’t understand how a lot of a toll this has taken on her.
I do know she has a degree, and I don’t need her to really feel like her wants and happiness don’t matter. On the identical time, my husband and I are struggling to make ends meet, and paying for little one care merely isn’t an possibility for us proper now.
I don’t need her to develop up resenting us or her siblings. How can I make this example higher for her whereas nonetheless managing the fact of our household’s monetary scenario?
— Want Assist
DEAR NEED HELP: Create a “village” with different households with youngsters. Ask should you can take turns caring for one another’s youthful youngsters to provide your daughter a break.
Additionally think about altering your work schedules in order that certainly one of you works days and the opposite nights.
You must determine this out in order that your daughter will get a while for herself. For those who don’t, you could lose her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My youthful sister is getting married to a person with a major variety of monetary points, and I’m actually frightened about her future.
He has $300,000 in mixed bank card debt and scholar loans, and to make issues worse, he’s incomes solely $40,000 a yr.
In the meantime, my sister is way more profitable; she has no debt and a secure profession and earns a six-figure wage.
She’s labored exhausting to get the place she is, and I’m pleased with her, however I can’t assist feeling like she’s stepping right into a monetary catastrophe by marrying this man. I worry that after they’re married, he’s going to depend on her not solely to cowl their payments, but additionally to repay his debt.
I do know marriage is about partnership, and everybody comes with their very own baggage, however this feels completely different. It looks as if he’s bringing an amazing monetary burden to the connection, and I don’t assume my sister absolutely understands the long-term implications of this.
I’ve tried hinting at my considerations, however she brushes me off and says she loves him they usually’ll determine it out.
I don’t wish to overstep or come throughout as judgmental, however I’m genuinely scared for her monetary stability and independence. Ought to I say one thing extra straight, or is it higher to let her study the exhausting method?
— On the Plank
DEAR ON THE PLANK: Whereas your sister could not hear, please communicate to her candidly.
Love is nice, however sensible planning can also be necessary. Recommend that they discuss to a monetary planner about methods for his or her future. This may increasingly assist her see what position she can have in coping with her fiance’s debt.
She also needs to think about a prenuptial settlement to guard her belongings in case they divorce.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
