Expensive Eric: Mike was my pal for greater than 50 years. We carpooled to work collectively for almost 15 years. Our bond grew even nearer when his 16-year-old son died by suicide after a battle with despair.
Mike appeared so sturdy throughout that tragedy, however I do know he suffered intense grief, and I did my finest to be there for him.
I retired first, and Mike about two years later. Sadly, shortly after retiring, Mike developed an aggressive most cancers which he valiantly fought for 3 or 4 months.
We noticed one another and he remained optimistic throughout that point. Nevertheless, when he obtained the unlucky prognosis that the remedies weren’t working, he grew to become withdrawn and didn’t wish to see me, though we might have occasional cellphone conversations when he felt as much as it.
He’d stated, “I don’t want you to see me like this. Remember me the way I was.”
We spoke the day earlier than he handed. He thanked me for being his pal for a lot of his life and insisted I not cry once I choked up through the dialog. It was painful however I fought it again for his sake; I broke down after we bid our remaining farewells and promised to satisfy once more within the nice past. He needed a family-only graveside service.
Mike’s needs left a gap in my coronary heart. I misplaced my pal, and I by no means felt I did sufficient these remaining months or adequately bid him farewell.
Mike’s spouse by no means warmed as much as me or my spouse, and we did nothing collectively as {couples}. I did name her about 9 months after Mike died and had a pleasing dialog. Nevertheless, she’s by no means reached out and I haven’t tried to contact her once more, though I’ve questioned if I ought to.
What are your ideas?
– One other Buddy in Ache
Expensive Buddy: I’m so sorry for the lack of your pal Mike. I do know the ache of his absence has been arduous to navigate, particularly after 50 years of friendship.
I hope you’ll be able to proceed to get closure from the information that you just obtained to say goodbye, even when it wasn’t the best way you needed to. Mike was navigating rather a lot throughout these remaining months, and you probably did a form and loving factor by respecting his needs for house.
Your want to succeed in out to his spouse once more comes from a form place, as nicely. It might be useful to each of you to talk about Mike collectively, however and not using a longstanding relationship, it’s arduous to inform.
As an alternative of a name, if you happen to really feel compelled to succeed in out once more, attempt sending a letter and enclosing your quantity. This offers her the choice to reply if she feels it is going to be useful, or to easily recognize the gesture if she’s not.
As you proceed to navigate grief, I hope you’re speaking about Mike and your emotions round his demise along with your family members and mates who’ve recognized him. Even if you happen to don’t have a connection to his spouse, you’ll be able to nonetheless preserve his reminiscence alive with others.
Expensive Eric: My 22-year-old son has met a 36-year-old lady in Brazil on the web. He has fallen for her and is planning to go there this summer season for at the least three months.
My husband and I are very fearful. He doesn’t communicate the language, though he’s studying it. He hasn’t traveled by himself earlier than, and there are advisories for touring to Brazil.
We additionally fear about this lady’s motives. He has been sending her cash. One pal cautioned that she could also be seeking to marry him as a option to come to the USA.
He’s an grownup, however we’re very fearful and don’t need him to go. What recommendation do you may have?
– Lengthy Distance
Expensive Distance: As somebody who had some of the transformational experiences of my life touring solo to Brazil, I’m unhappy about your son’s state of affairs as a result of it has a few of the warning indicators of a romance rip-off and there are such a lot of higher, non-scam methods to be launched to the nation.
In response to the Federal Commerce Fee, there have been greater than 64,000 reported romance scams in 2023, raking in $1.14 billion {dollars}. The FBI has a particular webpage particularly devoted to them. Go to FBI.gov or the Web Crime Grievance Heart and see if any of the frequent techniques resonate with what you’re seeing in your son’s case.
There you’ll additionally discover steerage for how one can discuss to your son about what he’s doing and how one can encourage him to suppose extra critically about his actions. He’s not alone on this.
Definitely, long-distance love can and does occur. However these connecting with others they haven’t met, particularly others who’re asking for cash, must train much more prudence.
Ship inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Field 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Observe him on Instagram @oureric and join his weekly publication at rericthomas.com.
