DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dealing with a situation where my parents constantly tell family members about my personal life without my consent.
This has caused me a lot of distress as I feel like my privacy is being violated. It’s frustrating to think that I have no control over what personal information my family members know about me.
My parents seem to believe that it’s their right to disclose this information, but I strongly disagree. I value my privacy and would prefer to have control over who knows about my personal life.
I’ve tried talking to my parents about this issue, but they don’t seem to understand how their behavior is affecting me. They say it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t be so concerned about what others know.
I believe that everyone has a right to their own privacy and that it’s not up to others to decide what information should be shared.
I’m at a loss for what to do. My parents aren’t taking my concerns seriously, and I don’t know how to make them understand how important this is to me.
Should I keep my parents out of my personal business, too?
— Chatty Parents
DEAR CHATTY PARENTS: In a word: yes.
At least for now, your parents cannot be trusted with knowing your personal information. They have told you as much and shrugged off your concerns. So it’s time for you to draw the line. Stop telling them your business.
Hopefully, in time, they will notice and ask to be welcomed back into your covenant of confidentiality. They have to earn their way back.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This January, I went to Ghana for the first time. I am half-Ghanaian and I have family there, including my grandparents, whom my dad and I stayed with.
I loved visiting there to see a part of my identity, but I had a rough time adjusting. My dad grew up there for a period of his childhood, but he never told me much about his experience or what to expect. As a result, I was unprepared.
I didn’t have the correct clothes; I was wearing shorts and a tank top while everyone else was in more conservative clothes to protect themselves from bugs and the sun. I didn’t know how to properly interact with adults or elders because their English dialect is very different, as are their customs. Lastly, I wasn’t prepared for the shift in bacteria in the food, and I got very sick for half of my stay.
I feel resentment at my dad for not telling me more about what to expect. Should I be mad at my dad for not telling me more about his country, or should I be mad at myself for not doing my own research?
— Bad Trip
DEAR BAD TRIP: Write a note to your family members in Ghana thanking them again for sharing their beloved country with you. Apologize for not knowing some of the customs, including how to dress properly. Let them know that you hope your ignorance did not offend them.
You may want to tell them you hope you can return soon to get to know them and their country better.
Talk to your dad and tell him that you felt uncomfortable because you were unprepared. Forgive him for not fulfilling his role in preparing you, and forgive yourself for not figuring it out in advance.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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