My long-held secret prompted baffling reaction from my sister

Dear Readers: Like you, I’m often curious about what happens to the advice I offer once it leaves my desk, and so I’ve asked readers to send in “updates” to let all of us know how things turned out.

The responses have flowed in, and I’m interested and often gratified to learn what impact this experience has had on readers.

To refresh all of our memories, I’m running the original Q&A, followed by the update.

Dear Amy: I am 58 years old. I was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s two years ago. My friends all know about my diagnosis.

My question relates to my sister. She and I had been estranged for almost a decade. Two years ago, I realized that our disagreements were water under the bridge, and we re-established a relationship. She lives several states away and has no contact with my friends.

I have never disclosed my diagnosis to her.

I don’t want her to come to the conclusion that I broke down the barriers between us because of my illness. I did that because I love her, and not because I am staring into the face of my own mortality.

I also don’t want to bring stress into her life, she has enough of that, and she will fly into stress mode — that is who she is.

Also, because she is my “big sister” I also know that she will go into “I’ll take care of you” mode (again, it is her nature), which is not what I need or want to be the basis for our relationship.

On the other hand, I don’t want her to feel betrayed when she inevitably learns about my illness.

Right now, I am able to hide my symptoms well. When the day comes when this is not the case, I plan on telling her (and her children).

I am extremely torn as to whether I am making the right decision.

Am I?

Torn

Dear Torn: I believe you are making the right decision, because, right now, this is how you are coping with a very challenging diagnosis. You have the right to control your own health information — for whatever reason you choose.

You seem to be protecting yourself from the stress of your sister’s anticipated reaction, but I want to remind you that people do not always react in expected ways.