DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve three grown youngsters, all of whom nonetheless stay at residence.
I had all the time thought that after they graduated from faculty and received good jobs, they need to begin paying hire. However as a result of my husband needed to pay hire when he nonetheless lived at residence, he stated he would by no means do this to his youngsters.
Our oldest, “Samantha,” is now 31. She has a well-paying job and drives an costly automobile. She does barely something round the home however does purchase her personal meals and toiletries.
The opposite two assist tremendously round the home, typically with out being requested. Samantha will generally do one thing, however I’ve to ask a number of occasions, and often weeks go by earlier than it will get achieved.
She will’t afford to maneuver out as a result of she has giant scholar mortgage debt. Plus, why would she transfer when she lives rent-free and comes and goes as she pleases? Even her canine lives right here at no cost.
My husband and I’ve had many discussions about this, at my prompting, and it simply results in us arguing and me feeling resentful towards him. I couldn’t implement something with out his backing as a result of, apparently, my opinion doesn’t matter, so I simply keep mad and marvel why I’m even right here.
How can I make him notice how improper he’s and eventually cease our daughter from strolling throughout us?
— FRUSTRATED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Disagreements over child-rearing have destroyed marriages. Youngsters ought to by no means be allowed to return between dad and mom, which appears to have occurred in your case.
That your husband makes you are feeling your opinion doesn’t matter is horrible. Does this disrespect spill over to elements of your relationship apart from this disagreement?
At 31 (!) and gainfully employed, your daughter ought to have began shouldering some accountability for herself years in the past.
Talk about this with a licensed psychological well being skilled, and you might be taught to grow to be extra assertive.
DEAR ABBY: I’m in a relationship with a beautiful man. He respects me, appreciates me and accepts me (flaws and all), and we get alongside rather well. He’s the opposite half of me.
Issues are fantastic, besides that he’s been having actually horrible breath these days, like a foul tooth or one thing.
I’ve all the time been the quiet, shy sort, by no means mentioning issues that hassle me (my youngsters’ father abused me for a number of years), and I really feel uncomfortable talking up. However Abby, his unhealthy breath drives me nuts. When he tries to kiss me, I give him a number of pecks however really feel repulsed on the disagreeable odor.
How do I tackle this tactfully and respectfully? I don’t need to embarrass him. How do I carry this up?
— PUT OFF IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR PUT OFF: Convey this up not as a criticism, however since you love and care about him. Do it not for your self however for him.
He could also be having an issue along with his tooth, his gums or his digestive system. For the sake of his common well being, he needs to be checked out, first along with his dentist and probably later along with his physician.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
