DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like so many others, I’ve a mother-in-law whom I can solely tolerate for brief intervals of time.
For context, my vital different and I stay collectively and are mainly married, aside from the piece of paper. And this lady is his stepmom, not his organic mother.
She kisses my boyfriend on the lips when saying good day or goodbye. I’m not comfy with that in any respect. I’ve advised my boyfriend that it bothers me, however he tends to overlook.
She additionally asks my 2-year-old grandbaby to kiss her on the lips — once more, one thing I don’t assume is suitable. He’s on the age the place we are attempting to show him that he doesn’t need to kiss and hug individuals if he doesn’t need to. Particularly the kissing. That’s for his fast household, which she shouldn’t be.
She as soon as introduced him into the toilet along with her whereas she used it — completely unacceptable! I don’t even let him are available with me, and I’m his grandma.
How do you recommend dealing with this?
GENTLE READER: There are two points right here, it appears to Miss Manners, and she or he is barely ready to again you up on one in all them.
Lip-kissing those that don’t need it’s unacceptable. Actually, you do not want to partake, but when your boyfriend is OK with it, that’s his selection. You’ll be able to solely proceed to specific your discomfort and hope that he’ll ultimately bear in mind.
As in your grandson, instructing him to create his personal boundaries will allow him to quickly make the choice for himself. That’s probably all that you are able to do.
However you appear to have one other agenda, which weakens your case — particularly, making this extra about the truth that the lady shouldn’t be biologically associated to your boyfriend or your grandson. You don’t point out the longevity of the connection, however the stepmother and your boyfriend could effectively think about her a longtime member of the household.
For that matter, she could imagine that, as a de facto grandparent, she is inside her rights to assist with potty coaching.
That you just discover this sort of intimacy unsavory is legitimate, however you will need to make it egalitarian. There are many instances the place blood relations are equally out of bounds. The actual challenge is consent, not household hierarchy.
In different phrases, undesirable kissing is a powerful sufficient challenge by itself. Don’t weaken it by suggesting that there’s, ahem, a pecking order to its suitability.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m the mom of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When individuals I haven’t seen for some time ask about my daughter, I after all inform them that he’s now a person.
I’ve been requested what surgical procedures he has had, and a number of other individuals have even requested me if he has a penis!
I used to be so shocked the primary time this occurred that I used to be speechless, after which I stated, “I don’t actually know.”
I’m not positive reply the subsequent time.
GENTLE READER: “I do not talk about my child’s private parts.”
You would add, “Nor would you, I hope,” however Miss Manners fears that somebody who’s brazen sufficient to ask is likely to be all too able to share.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
