DEAR ABBY: I simply turned 29. My companion, “Jeremy,” and I’ve been collectively for six years and have talked about getting engaged.
He set the timeline for an expectation of when he’d suggest early on in our relationship — by “five or 30” (which means both we’ve been collectively for 5 years or he hits 30). Each of these marks hit final yr, and I anticipated him to suggest, nevertheless it didn’t occur.
I’m mortified as a result of I preserve getting requested by individuals, “Why not?” I don’t have a solution, besides that Jeremy is simply not prepared.
He instructed me he desires to repay some money owed earlier than shopping for a hoop, however we’re each saving and residing effectively under our means, and I don’t need something costly.
Jeremy is targeted on his bodily coaching and his hobbies. I’m prepared to purchase a house, get married, perhaps even begin a household, however I really feel like we’re caught within the post-college life-style.
I’ve instructed Jeremy the entire above a number of instances now, nevertheless it appears to fall on deaf ears. In any other case, he tells me the dedication is already there and that he’ll get to a spot the place he feels he’s prepared. He additionally instructed me the one cause he’d ever suggest is as a result of I would like it — as a result of it has no which means or pleasure for him!
I’m confused and nervous that one thing is unsuitable with me for feeling this fashion. All my pals are married. They’ve purchased properties and are beginning households. I’m bored with ready for this prepare to come back in, and I’m resentful that he hasn’t stored to his timeline.
Now I’m unsure I ought to say sure, even when he does ask. Do I run for the hills or belief him to maintain his phrase? He’s all the time been trustworthy with me.
— WAITING AND WAITING
DEAR WAITING: When a person tells you that marriage has no which means or pleasure for him and that he’ll suggest when he feels prepared however nonetheless isn’t prepared after 5 years, you’ve some vital choices to make about your future.
Attempting to wrestle a wedding proposal out of him as a result of your mates have all married and began households doesn’t assure that your union could be a contented one.
Inform Jeremy that you seem like working in several time zones, that marriage is essential to you, and he hasn’t stored his phrase concerning the 5 years. Then transfer on, so that you received’t be writing in one other 5 years about this similar downside.
DEAR ABBY: Please, please assist me save a really previous friendship. I’ve a pal who is not going to let me end a narrative, a remark or a response.
After I tried to be well mannered and mentioned, “Please, let me finish,” she bought miffed. We went out to lunch with one other pal just lately, and she or he did it once more!
How do I politely ask her to attend her flip?
— WORD IN EDGEWISE
DEAR WORD: Stating it in plain English wouldn’t harm. Do it proper after you ask this lady why she feels it’s essential to interrupt you. (If the reply is that you simply held the ground too lengthy, you’ll need to edit both your pal record — or your storytelling.)
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
