Memorial Day weekend is a weekend for warriors

It’s the weekend. The holiday. Time for ants in your plants. Madam Adams is thus prepping you with what and where:

Food: Patsy’s Italian Restaurant is treating Fleet Week’s fleet to Sinatra’s favorite veal milanese, Frankie Valli’s spaghetti and meatballs, Michael Bublé’s penne vodka with sausage, Tony Danza’s manicotti, J.Lo’s shrimp scampi. Today, chef Sal Scognamillo will teach the fleet the eats that fed the famous.

Swimming: Stephen Leatherman, who heads earth and environment at Florida International U, named USA’s 10 Best Beaches. We made it. It’s Coopers Beach, Southampton. Calvin Klein, Anderson Cooper, Brooke Shields, Jerry Seinfeld bobble there. Also, Cape Cod’s Coast Guard Beach. Another’s South Carolina and three in Hawaii. I mean, we lucky or what?

Beer necessities

Drinking: The World’s 50 Best org with zero else to do named “50 Best Bars in North America.” We nailed it. Winner is Double Chicken Please on the Lower East Side. They started in a bus. Also Attaboy. Same neighborhood. For a good Manhattan in Manhattan there’s Katana Kitten, Dante, Overstory, Employees Only, Mace, Martiny’s, Maison Premiere (OK, in Brooklyn), Milady’s, Clover Club (also Brooklyn) and, if pregnant, the Dead Rabbit. Cheers.

Lazing about with Liz

TV-ing. Hulu’s got an Elizabeth Taylor biographical miniseries. I’m in it. It’s her babyhood, stardom, vulgarity, active sex life, active substance abuse, active husbands Hilton, Wilding, Todd, Fisher, Burton, Burton, Warner, Fortensky — and whoever she’s doing Up There. Plus, her bawdy comment: “I’m so full of bulls - - t I can’t believe it.”

(Cindy is in this trailer)

Lines? Please . . .

Jokes: Why a golfer wore two pairs of pants? Had a hole in one . . . Why’s a carpet seller depressed? People look down on his work . . . What’s moving on the ocean bottom? A nervous wreck . . . How to catch a fish? Drop him a line . . . “You serve crabs?” Chef: “We serve anybody” . . . Why’s the pirate a soprano? He hit the high seas. And if you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie, what do you get? A melon collie dog.

Loco for cocoa

Chocolates: Earl of Snowdon David Linley, the late Princess Margaret’s furniture designer son, created chocolate carpentry tools — $25 a box . . . Filming his 007 stuff Pierce Brosnan requested a chocolate digestives supply in his trailer . . . Duran Duran’s Simon Le Bon has a sweet tooth “but don’t start stupid jokes about my creating Simon Le Bon Bons” . . . And if enough already playing pickleball, Tyra Banks has soaked her feet in white chocolate pedicures.

Needle points

Please, no schlepping off to get tattoo’d. John Mellencamp has Jesus on his right shoulder . . . It’s “Peanuts” across Whoopi’s left breast . . . Donnie has “Wahlberg 69” on left shoulder . . . Kid Rock? “D” on right arm, Paul on left bicep, “American bad ass” plus bald eagle on his back. His whole behind is probably an encyclopedia.

Also, if this weekend is hot love — go easy. Playing a serial killer in “Monster,” Charlize Theron’s character required adding a dental plate. And during the kissing scene? Her teeth fell out.

This Monday’s federal holiday — Memorial Day — is to remember those who fought for us, protected us and are no longer with us.

I wish you all a whole heartful of love. I’ll be back Tuesday — only in New York, kids, only in New York.