Kieran Culkin and Bob Odenkirk’s play is bleeping underwhelming

David Mamet’s basic line “Coffee is for closers only” isn’t truly uttered in his play “Glengarry Glen Ross.” Alec Baldwin says it solely within the film.

Nonetheless, the underpowered revival of the present on the cavernous Palace Theatre might definitely use some caffeine. And warmth.

That the office play, on Broadway for the fourth time, opened final night time is acceptable. That is, in spite of everything, a manufacturing affected by a extreme case of the Mondays.

It’s Mamet, so the “f–k”s nonetheless fly. However what are usually huge laughs flip into well mannered titters, and explosive tempers are destructively tempered. 

The should-be scorcher of a narrative about sleazy, mendacity, ruthless Chicago real-estate salesmen who will commit crimes and break lives to shut a deal is as laid-back as a work-from-home Friday. Criminally underwhelming.   

Why, then, is “Glengarry Glen Ross” such a tricky and expensive ticket? As with Denzel Washington’s oh-so-dull “Othello” a block away, the draw is its formidable movie star solid. 

The wrinkled fits of those foul-mouthed cheats and backstabbers are worn, this time round, by Oscar winner Kieran Culkin, Bob Odenkirk, Invoice Burr and Michael McKean.

That’s not stunt casting. The favored actors all are a wise match on this dirty underworld of dodgy hucksters, even when some are extra proper for his or her characters than others.

Seemingly made for Mamet, Culkin cursed at breakneck velocity for 4 seasons on “Succession.” Odenkirk is not any stranger to amoral conduct, having been con artist-turned-lawyer Saul Goodman on “Better Call Saul.” Comic Burr’s resting state is livid, and McKean, onstage and display, has a knack for normal Joes.

What a disgrace, then, that all of them are undermined by the worst piece of casting within the present — the Palace Theatre.

This isn’t some sprawling epic. “Glengarry Glen Ross” is a play with a primary act consisting of three intimate, two-person scenes set in an empty Chinese language restaurant.

The second half takes place in an average-looking workplace the day after a burglar ransacked the place and stole all of the beneficial leads — coveted data on potential consumers. 

So, to channel Mamet, why the f–okay has it been plopped onto the identical stage that was residence to “West Side Story,” “Legally Blonde” and “SpongeBob Squarepants: The Musical”?

It’s an enormous mistake. Any rigidity heads straight down the foyer escalator as quickly because the curtain rises, and it’s difficult to change into absorbed by the story — even throughout the always-feisty second act.

And it doesn’t matter the place you’re. From the primo seats, it nonetheless looks like there’s a soccer area between you and the actors. 

Far off within the distance, like looking at Jersey Metropolis from the piers, the solid struggles to attach and click on with one another as they work onerous to fill an unforgiving barn.

Culkin, whose talent for making cruelty and unpleasantness lovable is put to good use, isn’t actually a Ricky Roma — the highest nearer on the firm who aggressively sells nugatory tracts of land in Florida to unwitting pawns. He’s not an alpha, not a killer. 

The actor’s blowup on the workplace supervisor in the long run is robust and he’s loads entertaining all through. That doesn’t make his Ricky any much less frazzled, quirky and out-of-control. Briefly: Roman Roma.  

That obliterates the all-important distinction between Ricky and Shelley Levene, the older, down-on-his-luck vendor who hasn’t closed a deal in ages. 

Nonetheless, Odenkirk nails the struggling man’s desperation and world weariness. Even his face is drained of shade and vitality. No person right here’s an excellent man, however Shelley’s plight grabs us.

As a loudmouth who hatches a shady plan, the humorous Burr barks identical to you need him to. And McKean, as bumbling George Aaronow, steals scenes together with his sadsack glances.

Whereas this may by no means have been a superb “Glengarry,” I do know the revival directed by Patrick Marber would have at the very least come off a lot better in a smaller home the place the viewers might truly give attention to it.

We’ll by no means know. In Broadway’s fierce battle for actual property, Mamet’s actual property brokers misplaced.