DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m an accent nerd, particularly about accents from Nice Britain and its present and former colonies.
I prefer to guess the place individuals are from as soon as I’ve heard them converse (not essentially to me).
With a purpose to discover out if my guess is right, I’ve to begin up a dialog with them. I often begin off by asking them if I’m right — however not fairly so bluntly. After which that often results in additional dialog.
Is it impolite to begin a dialog with a stranger by asking which nation they’re from? I genuinely need to know their background, not simply to seek out out if my guess was right.
GENTLE READER: Right here is a crucial basic rule to use to many such little ploys, together with your individual:
By no means make guesses about folks. By no means, ever.
Don’t guess the place they’re from, don’t guess whether or not they’re pregnant, don’t guess how outdated they’re — simply don’t guess.
And don’t take this as permission to ask outright, as a substitute. In any case, you shouldn’t be eavesdropping.
It could be true that in case you guess proper, you might begin a dialog. However even an accurate guess might indicate that the particular person doesn’t actually belong right here.
There are much less intrusive methods to get to know folks, however you’ve led Miss Manners to imagine that friendship, and even acquaintanceship, just isn’t your goal; fairly, it’s taking part in your little guessing recreation. Please cease.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are sometimes invited to fundraisers by a pair in our circle of buddies. They buy a desk or a bundle of tickets, which pays for our admission. Nonetheless, as these are fundraisers, the expectation lurks that we contribute monetarily.
I’ve begged off attending capabilities for organizations my conscience can not help, however what about occasions for noncontroversial teams?
In these instances, I merely would favor to not pay cash to socialize with buddies I see on a regular basis anyway.
This couple additionally attends dinners in all of our properties however by no means reciprocates, apart from to ask us to those fundraisers. I don’t assume these are actually “hosted” occasions, since a contribution is anticipated.
My husband doesn’t prefer it after I beg off by saying we’ve plans, as he thinks that’s mendacity. I contemplate it a innocent white lie, and I don’t know every other method to get out of the state of affairs with out damage emotions.
A night of mediocre food and drinks and raise-the-paddle just isn’t what we contemplate enjoyable. Is there a extra well mannered method to get ourselves off the invite listing?
GENTLE READER: Finally, we get to the actual drawback. It’s not a lot about contributing to the charity or having a conflicting engagement; it’s that these occasions bore you.
So: Ought to you must go, for the sake of the others concerned?
In case your husband actually enjoys them, the reply is: most likely. Nicely, sometimes. Miss Manners suspects that he’s no extra enthralled than you, however is worried about your mates, who presumably do get pleasure from these items. Moreover, it’s their method of reciprocating your invites.
She suggests saying how type they’re to incorporate you at such occasions, however that you’d want to see them on a lot much less formal events, when you’ll have extra of an opportunity to get pleasure from their firm.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
