DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whereas I used to be exterior within the smoking space of a music venue a pair weeks in the past, a lady subsequent to me turned a bit too animated and frivolously ran into me.
She apologized, and I politely responded that it was not an issue. Then, I noticed she was nonetheless taking a look at my sleeve with an anxious, responsible expression, and he or she began brushing on the spot together with her finger.
Evidently what had ran into my jacket was not simply her hand however the smoldering finish of her cigarette, which left a visual burn on the jacket.
My response was, once more, to inform her it wasn’t a difficulty, holding a passive demeanor. However she disagreed, insisting that what she did was reckless. She apologized extra fervently, known as herself an expletive and mentioned she could be extra conscious, after which I hesitated, after which mentioned, “I appreciate that,” earlier than strolling away.
What I’m left considering is, ought to I’ve been extra visibly upset, even indignant, that she had broken considered one of my nicer jackets? That she might have critically injured me?
Ought to I’ve reprimanded her after which adopted that with forgiveness, regardless of her honest apology?
If I had given my girlfriend the jacket that night time to assist maintain her heat, the cigarette might have burned my arm as an alternative. What the girl did was certainly reckless and harmful.
However then, I additionally felt anxious about making her really feel worse than she already did. She didn’t seem greater than mildly intoxicated by alcohol (as was I).
I’m naturally averse to battle and like to chill issues down than warmth them up until completely crucial, however I’m wondering if that was a time the place a bit warmth would have been applicable. My response to her feels undignified.
GENTLE READER: She additionally might have lit your jacket on fireplace and burned down the music venue, swallowing the entire city together with it. However fortuitously, she didn’t.
Miss Manners doesn’t want to make gentle of your state of affairs, merely to level out that assessing your relative response to a hypothetical state of affairs is pointless. The girl was appropriately apologetic, nevertheless it was an accident — and will have occurred to you or anybody else.
Your diplomacy within the state of affairs was the alternative of undignified: It was gracious and well mannered.
Nonetheless, she nonetheless might have supplied to pay for repairs to the jacket (whose doubtlessly worse injury was fortunately not in your record), which you would have accepted or not. Both manner, your being impolite or heated wouldn’t have made the state of affairs higher. Solely extra contentious.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it unhealthy manners to put on a wi-fi earpiece at church in the course of the sermon?
GENTLE READER: It relies upon. Is it getting used to amplify the sermon — or drown it out?
Both manner, Miss Manners warns, you’ll have to clarify your self, as individuals will assume the latter. And needless to say mendacity in church appears a very damning concept.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
