DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s; my husband is 46. We’ve been married three years.
He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki.” She has at all times been spoiled and catered to; she realized learn how to lie and manipulate throughout her childhood.
I’ve tried to assist her as a result of I believed his household after they mentioned she’s making an attempt to get it collectively.
Kiki has a DUI, and he or she obtained evicted when her mother and father requested her to pay her personal lease, relatively than having them pay. They provide her vehicles, however she wrecks them after which leaves them on the aspect of the street.
She will be able to’t pay the fuel invoice as a result of she buys weed and alcohol as a substitute, assured that everybody else pays when her utilities get shut off.
We’ve a 3-week-old child and a mortgage. I don’t assume his daughter ought to nonetheless be in our funds, however my husband can’t say no to giving her cash.
I don’t assume it’s honest for us to pay her manner. Is 24 younger sufficient to nonetheless want this a lot assist? My husband could be very defensive about it.
— USED IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR USED: Contemplating this troubled younger lady’s historical past, your husband has made an enormous mistake by fostering her dependence on him. Independence is one thing she could must be taught in increments.
Your husband ought to sit down with Kiki and clarify that he loves her, however she should now discover work to help herself, and that he’ll assist — for a set time frame — as she adjusts to shouldering duty for herself.
If he’s nonetheless paying her lease, there must be a agency cutoff level. No extra vehicles, as a result of she’s a hazard on the street. She will be able to use public transportation. And if there are any extra issues due to her substance abuse, all bets can be off.
The time to attract the road is now.
DEAR ABBY: I’m in an internet group with neighbors, however I’ve not been in a position to get out and meet some newer members in individual.
One individual indicators posts in a language I don’t acknowledge, and I used to be questioning if there’s a well mannered method to ask them learn how to pronounce their title and what language it’s. There doesn’t appear to be a method to broach the topic with out seeming unfavorable.
Additionally, once I hear folks in my native retailer communicate one other language, I’m curious as a result of I’m semi-fluent in three languages and enthusiastic about studying extra, however once more, what’s a well mannered method to ask?
— WONDERING IN VIRGINIA
DEAR WONDERING: If in case you have the slightest concern about asking your neighbors learn how to pronounce their title and what language it’s, then don’t do it on-line. Ask one other neighbor or wait till you possibly can meet the individual face-to-face.
If you end up out and about and listen to a language you don’t acknowledge, smile on the folks, say that you just communicate three languages, like the way in which theirs sounds and ask what it’s since you would possibly prefer to be taught it. If the query is requested in a pleasant manner, most individuals will reply in the identical vein. (I did this at a grocery store just lately. The reply was they got here from Indonesia and have been talking Malay.)
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
