DEAR MISS MANNERS: We now have been invited to the marriage of an excellent buddy’s son. After I went on-line to RSVP, it stated, “Attire: evening cocktail — slacks, cocktail dresses, jackets, etc.”
We by no means put on that form of clothes, even to funerals. We all the time look good, although! We don’t need to spend cash on clothes that we’ll by no means put on once more, or that’s simply not us. Ever.
How do I decline the invite with out offending/hurting my buddy or her son?
GENTLE READER: “I am sorry, but unfortunately, we will not be able to attend.”
Miss Manners would counsel this be written in a letter and never a textual content or social media posting, however she doesn’t want to be chastised for an effort that’s simply not you. Ever.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In dialog with an acquaintance, I discussed the early arrival instances required at airports, and stated that I take pleasure in utilizing that point to chill out and people-watch.
Her response was a horrible, derogatory remark about watching “ugly fat people.” She added that “all they have to do is eat less.”
I used to be shocked, not understanding easy methods to reply. After a number of seconds, I merely stated “Ouch!” and adjusted the topic.
However I noticed I don’t know the way to reply to prejudicial feedback. I imagine silence suggests you agree, and I don’t need to counsel I agree with hateful, ignorant statements.
GENTLE READER: On this case, you may need stated, “Oh! Surely you don’t think I’m that mean-spirited!” and adjusted the topic.
The equal: “I do not share your sentiment” is a helpful all-purpose disclaimer for offensive or prejudiced statements. However Miss Manners additional suggests that you simply discover a higher high quality of acquaintances.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran right into a buddy, “Chloe,” who requested if I occurred to know her buddy “Nicole.” I stated that I did know Nicole.
Chloe then said, “Nicole is the best, isn’t she?”
I smiled wanly and nodded. I do know Nicole to be a gossip and a liar who will skewer somebody the second their again is turned.
Chloe sensed my lack of enthusiasm and went on, at size, about how great Nicole is. Once more, I smiled politely and easily stated, “That’s great.”
Chloe appeared puzzled, however dropped the topic.
Is there a greater method I may have dealt with the scenario? I’ve no want to gossip about Nicole, however I additionally didn’t need to faux to adore somebody whom I’ve personally witnessed being merciless for sport.
GENTLE READER: In the event you had stated something greater than that, you may need run the chance of it getting again to Nicole. Miss Manners assures you that it’s best to take into account your self fortunate that Chloe confirmed discretion and stopped pushing.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I despatched a praise to the company workplace of a neighborhood restaurant a few particular worker.
This worker thanked me and stated to ask for her subsequent time I got here in, so she may give me a free meal.
I don’t need her to suppose I paid her a praise to get one thing at no cost, however ought to I take the supply anyway?
GENTLE READER: If it makes you are feeling higher, it’s possible you’ll inform her what you informed Miss Manners. However settle for the free meal graciously — and respect the uncommon change of two well-meaning people being form to one another. Simply don’t break the great emotions by forgetting to tip.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
