DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I’ve been attempting to conceive a toddler for a while.
Our first being pregnant ended at seven weeks in a miscarriage, which began throughout a go to to my mother-in-law’s house. She had not identified we have been attempting, after which the cat was out of the bag.
She was very sort and sympathetic instantly after we returned from the hospital, however since then, she has been overtly destructive about us having a toddler. She’s going to say issues like, “Oh, it is so much work!” or, “You will disturb your peace, and it will cost so much money.”
I used to be so shocked that she would say such issues that I used to be puzzled. I’ve restricted my time round her since then.
We’ve got fortunately conceived once more and haven’t but informed anybody.
Throughout a current quick go to, my mother-in-law didn’t make any extra destructive remarks about having youngsters. Nonetheless, we’ve got extra visits deliberate, and I’m hoping for some respectful however agency responses for when she inevitably brings up her opinions.
We are going to finally inform her about our present being pregnant, after we’re positive the whole lot is all proper with the infant.
GENTLE READER: And she or he will likely be overjoyed.
Thoughts you, Miss Manners shouldn’t be excusing your mother-in-law. She made hurtful remarks.
However that’s what many individuals do within the silly hope of offering consolation the place none is on the market. They little notice the harm they do by saying that what devastates you is basically all for the very best.
You’re sensible to not inform her earlier than the being pregnant is apparent. At the moment, she’s going to reverse her opinions — so it’s best to overlook the sooner ones.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Perhaps it’s as a result of I took Spanish in highschool as a substitute of French, however what’s with “RSVP”?
Individuals say “Please RSVP” but additionally “You haven’t sent an RSVP.” So is it a noun or a verb or each?
Even I do know that the “SVP” half means “please,” so “Please RSVP” is silly. And does it imply they need you to reply provided that you’re accepting, and even in case you’re not?
And why French? I’m not pushing Spanish, though extra People communicate it than French. However why not, oh, Danish? Or Thai? It will make simply as a lot sense.
Is there any cause for utilizing French apart from pure snobbery?
GENTLE READER: Conventional snobbery.
Time was when snobbish People believed that French customs have been extra elegant than American ones. Even on the White Home, the menus have been in French up by way of the Kennedy administration. Discuss ridiculous.
And, as you say, persons are confused (or declare to be, to cowl the rudeness of ignoring an invite) about whether or not it applies solely to accepting or additionally to declining. As in the event that they couldn’t perceive that hosts must know who’s doing which.
Miss Manners is in complete settlement with you. It’s completely right, and so much clearer, to say “Please respond.” The formal model is, “The favor of a response is requested.”
Now in case you can simply get them to do it.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
