DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a cocktail party, the hostess had set a stunning desk with flowers and candles. I complimented her on the setting.
Later, as dinner began, I discovered the flowers blocking my view of the visitor throughout from me, stopping any potential dialog. I used to be serious about speaking with this visitor, so I requested the hostess if we might transfer the tall flowers so we might see one another. (Some stunning, shorter flowers and tall candles remained on the desk.)
She moved them, however muttered loud sufficient for everybody to listen to that she had set a fantastic desk and I used to be ruining the look.
It was very embarrassing, however I thanked her for shifting them and didn’t say anything.
Later, my husband advised me I shouldn’t have stated something. I felt I dealt with it appropriately and the host ought to have been extra gracious.
GENTLE READER: In case your husband was suggesting you probably did something mistaken, Miss Manners will disagree.
However maybe he was merely suggesting that, because you each know your hostess, her response was predictable: You had been fortunate she didn’t decrease the extent of the flowers by emptying the vase into your lap.
If it occurs once more, you possibly can repeat your praise of the flowers when asking that they be moved, or maybe get a agency grip on them as you make the request.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Somebody requested me to substantiate one thing, however I don’t wish to as a result of it’s a private matter.
I don’t wish to lie and deny it, however neither do I wish to admit it’s true, as a result of it’s too private.
Evidently if I deflect or don’t reply instantly, they are going to nonetheless take the avoidance as a “yes.” What can I say?
GENTLE READER: “No.”
Avoidance — or its extra persistent cousin, procrastination — usually results in affirmation bias. Your buddy desires you to substantiate one thing, and, if given no proof on the contrary, will resolve that you’ve got.
Miss Manners suggests {that a} form, agency “no” can be extra clear for everybody concerned.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My work buddy has requested me to lunch a couple of instances, however I simply can’t afford to exit.
I don’t wish to assume she is treating me, however I additionally don’t wish to talk about my monetary state of affairs. I’ve made excuses however hate to proceed to take action.
GENTLE READER: Then settle for with out discussing your monetary state of affairs — or requiring anybody to pay. Say that you’ve got been bringing lunch to work, and that if she desires to do the identical, you’ll get pleasure from consuming along with her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve a co-worker who has talked about on a couple of events that she will be able to’t attend sure work-related features as a result of she has a grown son with particular wants, and has to get dwelling to him.
Since she has talked about it a couple of instances, I believe she is OK speaking about it. How do I ask her about her son with out prying?
GENTLE READER: The pure time to ask can be instantly after the son is talked about in reference to one of many invites.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
