DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother died of a sudden coronary heart assault whereas having dinner with buddies.
One in all his buddies known as me and I headed straight to the hospital, nevertheless it was too late.
Somebody on the hospital gave me a bag of my brother’s belongings, which I took dwelling and caught in a closet whereas I handled calling household and buddies, consoling my dad and mom, making funeral preparations, grieving, and many others. (My brother was not married, and didn’t have a severe girlfriend on the time.)
After a couple of days, I made a decision to deal with the bag of private belongings, the place I got here throughout my brother’s cellphone. It had run out of energy and wanted charging, so I plugged it in.
Nearly immediately, it began pinging with messages — the overwhelming majority of which had been condolences from my brother’s colleagues. Most of them signed their names as “John Doe, Position at Company.”
Is it acceptable to ship condolences to a deceased individual’s phone within the hopes {that a} member of the family will learn them?
I proceeded to ship a short thank-you to every one, signing it “from the family.” Was this a suitable technique to deal with it?
A few of the individuals who had despatched messages then began calling my brother’s cellphone. Once I answered, some had been well mannered and civil, eager to re-express their condolences. However others had been inquisitive and prying (“How did he die? How long did it take the ambulance to arrive? Who was with him?” and many others.), which made me remorse answering in any respect.
I contemplated calling my brother’s boss simply to ask her to inform everybody to cease calling.
What’s the correct process in a state of affairs like this?
GENTLE READER: Knowingly calling a deceased individual’s cellphone is morbid, and fairly frankly, lazy. Not solely does it not change a correct condolence letter, nevertheless it annoys and disorients a grieving household.
The apparent resolution is to disconnect the phone line. However for those who can’t resist calling your brother’s boss, Miss Manners suggests that you just at the least achieve this with an excuse: Inform her the place and when the service is — or at the least the place his colleagues might ship correct written condolences, if they need.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a night occasion, I used to be launched to a really high-profile particular person.
Whereas I used to be completely happy to satisfy him, it was not possible to not discover when he smiled or talked that he had one thing caught between his two entrance enamel.
Had he been an outdated good friend, I might have instantly and discreetly instructed him about it. Since this was our first assembly, although, I felt that doing so can be inappropriate, so I stated nothing.
Was I unsuitable? What might or ought to I’ve executed?
GENTLE READER: Instantly and discreetly instructed him about it. One doesn’t should be outdated buddies, Miss Manners assures you, to spare one other human unnecessary embarrassment.
And who is aware of? The ensuing gratitude might have made you a brand new outdated good friend.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by way of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
