DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a man who appears to be thinking about me. We’ve some mutual mates, and he’s been attempting to work together by way of social media.
We met formally for the primary time just a few weeks in the past at a celebration we each attended. He appeared charming and articulate, and he even purchased me and my sister some drinks.
The opposite night time, I occurred to see a disturbing photograph of this younger man on-line. He attended a Halloween social gathering dressed — or not dressed — as a child! He had on a diaper and a child bonnet, and he had a big pacifier in his mouth. His higher physique and legs had been totally uncovered.
Am I overreacting, or is that this cause sufficient to dodge the primary date he’s provided?
— Bizarre Costume
DEAR WEIRD COSTUME: Don’t contemplate his costume a dealbreaker; use it as a dialog starter. Individuals gown up in all types of the way for Halloween.
Exit with the man, and at a pure level, inform him you noticed a humorous image of him. Ask him what possessed him to put on that costume. In enjoyable, probe a bit extra to search out out what sorts of different wild issues he has accomplished.
Take heed to get a way of his character. Loosen up and get to know one another.
His costume is just not a warning signal of hazard, however extra an indicator of silliness.
DEAR HARRIETTE: At any time when my girlfriend and I are intimate, she showers instantly after.
At first it was simply her, however now she forces me to hitch her in a post-intercourse bathe. In these showers, I’ve seen that she scrubs relentlessly — ferociously, even. It scares me a bit as a result of I ponder what she’s attempting to do away with or wash away.
She additionally adjustments the sheets as quickly as we bathe.
As you possibly can think about, this can be a tedious routine to maintain up with at night time when all I wish to do is move out. What do you suppose all that is about?
— Clear Freak
DEAR CLEAN FREAK: Appears that your girlfriend has some deep-rooted discomfort about sexual intimacy. For some cause, she associates it with uncleanliness.
Maybe one thing occurred in her childhood that scarred her. Possibly she listened to spiritual dogma about having intercourse earlier than marriage being a sin, and he or she is attempting to clean the sin away. The one manner you’ll know is to ask her.
Be tender. Inform her you might have seen the issues that she does after intercourse, and also you wish to know why she has these rituals. Invite her to speak about her emotions, and ask her about her sexual historical past, if you happen to haven’t already.
Use this as the start of a dialog. It’s unlikely you’ll be taught every thing that’s regarding her at first.
Over time, hopefully you will discover the supply of her points and strike a snug steadiness so you possibly can sleep. For instance, counsel placing a towel on the sheets so you possibly can take that away slightly than the entire bedding.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their goals. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
