DEAR HARRIETTE: Earlier this 12 months, I met somebody at a buddy’s birthday celebration. I assumed he was good-looking, and my buddy ended up fixing us up.
We dwell in several states, so we exchanged numbers and saved in contact. We talked typically on the cellphone, and I felt snug with him.
He supplied to go to me in individual, staying in a resort and taking me out all through the weekend. I appreciated that he wasn’t presumptuous — however upon his arrival, every part appeared to vary. Apparently, he got here with expectations.
Every time we had been collectively, he’d make sexual advances, which got here as a shock to me since we hadn’t entered that territory but. All through the weekend, his temper and perspective wavered, and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Finally he admitted that he was sexually pissed off.
I really feel violated despite the fact that technically nothing occurred.
Why would somebody give me one impression after which fly 1,000 miles in hopes of one thing else?
I minimize ties with this individual, however I can’t appear to shake the sensation that I used to be too naive. Why is that this bothering me a lot? Any recommendation?
— Improper Impression
DEAR WRONG IMPRESSION: As of late, it’s not stunning that if this man flew 1,000 miles to see you, he anticipated intercourse in return. That doesn’t imply you had been obligated to do it, however it’s not an uncommon thought.
You two in all probability ought to have spoken overtly about your expectations for the weekend. You may have acknowledged that you simply had been wanting ahead to seeing him and attending to know him higher, but additionally that you simply meant to take it gradual.
Sure, you in all probability had been a bit naive. Sooner or later, if you end up in the same state of affairs, state what you need upfront so there’s no room for misinterpretation.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My middle-aged son lately moved out, and I don’t assume he’s ready.
He’s had a tough time taking accountability over the previous decade or so, and he has not been nice with staying employed. His determination got here simply a few months after securing a brand new job.
It’s not that I don’t need him to be on his personal two toes — belief me, I do — however I fear that it is a untimely determination that will value him a reasonably penny.
When he gave me the information, he’d already signed a sublease with a buddy who’s out of city indefinitely.
None of this makes me really feel any safer about his determination. All of it got here as a shock to me as a result of he mentioned he’d already began shifting his stuff to his new place and could be gone inside a day or two of the dialog we had been having.
I need to have the ability to give him some pointers with out that dialog being riddled with my private feelings surrounding his abrupt discover. I’m undecided I understand how to be supportive whereas I’m offended.
— Shifting Out
DEAR MOVING OUT: Your middle-aged son mustn’t want your recommendation at this stage for the right way to dwell alone.
Good for him that he’s making the hassle to chop the wire. Let him. If he makes errors, so be it. He has to be taught to be impartial.
Don’t be offended. Although he didn’t deal with his leaving in one of the simplest ways, he’s leaving, and that may be a good factor for each of you. Let it’s along with your blessing.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You’ll be able to ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
