Dear Amy: My friend “Cynthia” and I have become much closer recently, as we have both gone through divorces and shared our experiences (I’m a guy).
Cynthia recently moved back into the area after living a few states away, and we have been able to go out a few times.
I am enjoying finally being on my own after a very mentally and emotionally draining divorce.
I have been very open that I will not be sleeping around, and I have stated that I am interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with her, with the idea that we can begin exploring moving in together sometime next year.
I have recently come across a TikTok page of Cynthia’s that (basically) is filled with videos airing out every small disagreement we’ve ever had, not to mention presenting me as a guy who “won’t commit” because I want to take my time working toward moving in together.
These videos get thousands of views, and some of the comments (mostly very negative ones at my expense) include references to the specific apartment complex where I am currently living. These comments are from friends of hers.
This is a hard line for me, and I asked her to remove these videos if she wants to pursue a long-term relationship. She then made another video about that conversation, and I abruptly ended any semblance of a relationship with her after seeing this video.
I’m wondering: Was it unreasonable for me to request that our personal conversations should not be aired on social media?
– Unreasonable
Dear Unreasonable: You know that asking Cynthia to respect your privacy is a perfectly reasonable expectation.
You also know that Cynthia is an unethical jerk who has used your private experiences to shamelessly climb TikTok’s oily algorithm, aided by her obnoxious friends.
These are all things you already know.
What I know is that – these days – in-depth conversations about privacy and social media use should accompany any deepening relationship.
This conversation should certainly precede any speculation about cohabitation, and if any potential partner intentionally violates your privacy, offering you up for online abuse, you should break off the relationship immediately.
