DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a live performance the opposite evening. What’s the etiquette if the cup holder is within the armrest of everybody’s chair, together with each finish seats? Which cup holder does every particular person get?
I had an argument with the man subsequent to me.
GENTLE READER: It’s the one to your proper, simply as on the desk.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and I’ve a mild disagreement in regards to the host’s duty at a cocktail party or vacation desk.
As a number, I search for alternatives to foster conversations which may contain everybody across the desk. In any other case, {couples} or pals will start their very own discussions. This makes it much less enjoyable for all, particularly for the quiet people who don’t have interaction in dialog with their neighbors.
At one such dinner, my son whispered to me, “You’re being manipulative!” I mentioned sure, I’m doing my host duties.
Assist us settle this, please!
GENTLE READER: You win.
The late, nice sociologist David Riesman as soon as advised Miss Manners that he had preceded her within the etiquette enterprise, citing his statement of the manners of fellow lecturers when performing as hosts.
They apparently shared your son’s worry of being manipulative. Subsequently, they carried out no introductions, supplied no seating plan and definitely didn’t try and verify that everybody was included in conversations.
The consequence, Riesman mentioned, was completely horrible events, the place individuals talked solely with these in their very own departments, whom that they had seen all day — or these with whom that they had arrived, and would see all evening.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been taking break day work to assist take care of my father, who has incurable most cancers.
To shoppers I don’t know properly, I’ve mentioned, “I’ll be out of town to help my dad, who is sick.” They virtually invariably reply, “I hope he feels better soon.”
I do know they imply properly, and I often handle to take it that manner. However that doesn’t cease it from feeling like a intestine punch, as a result of I do know he’s solely going to really feel worse over the few months he has left.
The primary time this occurred, I used to be so gobsmacked that I mentioned, “Thanks, but this isn’t a getting-better situation,” which felt graceless and stopped the dialog.
Telling individuals “I’ll be out of town to help my dad, who has stage 4 cancer” generally (not all the time!) avoids the “feel better” feedback, however can really feel like oversharing.
I’d love recommendation on navigating this, and maybe additionally a reminder to readers that if you don’t know the character of an sickness, “I hope they feel better soon” isn’t essentially the type remark you assume it’s.
GENTLE READER: What would you counsel? That your shoppers probe you till they discover out sufficient in regards to the state of affairs to point out the suitable quantity of sympathy?
Miss Manners considers it extra useful for her to remind anybody in your unhappy state of affairs to chorus from confidences that require a sympathetic response.
You could possibly have excused your self to your shoppers by merely stating that you’d be absent on household enterprise — replying, if there have been questions, that it was a private matter.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
