DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve a buddy who is consistently asking to borrow issues from me.
It began off small, like asking for a cellphone charger or a sweater, however now it’s escalated to greater issues like $300 loans or priceless objects which might be laborious to interchange.
She at all times guarantees she’ll pay me again or return no matter she borrowed, however as a rule, I by no means see the merchandise or cash once more.
It’s irritating as a result of I really feel like I’m being taken benefit of, however I don’t know deal with it. Each time she asks, I discover myself saying sure, even after I don’t need to, as a result of I hate confrontation and really feel horrible about saying no.
I don’t need to wreck our 10-year friendship, however I’m beginning to really feel resentful.
How can I set boundaries together with her with out coming throughout as egocentric or damaging our relationship? How do I get her to grasp that it’s not OK to maintain borrowing with out returning what she owes?
— Hand Out
DEAR HAND OUT: Your first step ought to be studying to say no! You could do it.
Should you can muster the braveness to inform her why, positive. If not, simply say no. No, you’ll be able to’t lend the cash this time. No, she will be able to’t borrow the sweater. No to regardless of the request is.
Ultimately, she could ask why. That’s when you’ll be able to clarify that the “sharing” has at all times been a one-way relationship the place you give and he or she takes. You’re executed with that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s been a month since I misplaced my dad, and it’s been laborious for me and particularly my mother.
He was the supplier for our household — each financially and emotionally — and he at all times taught us to attempt to be higher on daily basis.
Now that he’s gone, I really feel as if an enormous a part of me is lacking, and I’m struggling to course of the grief.
Day-after-day appears like a problem, and I usually discover myself overwhelmed with feelings. Some days, it appears like I can’t transfer ahead, whereas on others, the burden of the ache is insufferable.
I need to be robust for my household, however inside I really feel misplaced and unsure about cope. I do know I need assistance, however I’m unsure the place to begin or even take that first step towards therapeutic.
I’m continually making an attempt to remain robust, but it surely’s exhausting. Any recommendation on how I can address my feelings and take small steps towards therapeutic would imply the world to me proper now.
— Coping With Grief
DEAR COPING WITH GRIEF: Your wound continues to be contemporary. Give your self time to heal.
Psychological well being professionals consider that there are 5 levels of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, melancholy and acceptance; it doesn’t matter what, individuals should undergo all of them.
Whereas we all know that demise is inevitable for all of us, that actuality doesn’t make it simpler when it occurs to somebody near you. Enable your self to expertise no matter you feel.
It’s additionally vital to get assist. Yow will discover a grief counselor by your own home of worship, your main care physician’s referral and even by your insurance coverage firm. In case you are ever feeling suicidal, name the Nationwide Suicide Prevention Lifeline/Nationwide Disaster Hotline at 800-273-8255. You would not have to expertise this alone.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
