DEAR HARRIETTE: I want recommendation on the best way to set boundaries with my neighbor.
She continually asks me for favors, together with giving her rides, selecting up issues from the shop, watching her pets when she goes out of city and serving to her with small errands.
At first, I didn’t thoughts as a result of I imagine in being a great neighbor, however over time, I’ve realized that this has develop into a one-sided relationship. She by no means presents to return the favor or assist me once I want one thing, and she or he doesn’t even appear to acknowledge how a lot she asks of me.
The issue is, I don’t wish to create any awkwardness or unhealthy blood. We dwell proper subsequent to one another, and I do know I’ll nonetheless need to see her recurrently.
I additionally fear that if I begin saying no, she’ll act offended or make me really feel responsible.
She is an older girl, so I don’t wish to be impolite, however I additionally don’t wish to preserve going out of my manner for somebody who clearly sees me as a handy helper quite than an equal neighbor. How can I politely — however firmly — set boundaries?
— Drawing the Line
DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: When you can proceed to assist this girl, I say achieve this. She is an elder, and it’s the human factor to do.
That stated, you can too say no when it doesn’t be just right for you.
Ask her pointedly to do issues for you that you simply imagine she will be able to deal with. When you work on making the connection extra equitable, it could enhance.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been going to the identical hairstylist for years, and whereas she’s all the time been type and dependable, I’ve began to really feel like her work simply isn’t what I need anymore.
The haircuts and colour by no means end up fairly proper, and I discover myself strolling out of appointments feeling upset most of the time.
I do know I ought to in all probability simply transfer on and discover somebody new, however there’s one huge drawback: She goes to my church.
It’s not like I can simply disappear and hope she doesn’t discover. I see her virtually each Sunday, and I do know she’ll finally ask why I haven’t been reserving appointments.
I don’t wish to lie, however I additionally don’t wish to harm her emotions or make issues awkward between us.
She’s a genuinely good particular person and I respect her, however on the finish of the day, I’m paying for a service that I now not be ok with.
How do I gracefully “break up” with my hairstylist with out creating pressure between us in what’s speculated to be a spot of worship?
— Awkward
DEAR AWKWARD: Your relationship along with your hairstylist is usually one of the vital intimate ones that you’ve. They get to know you, and vice versa. You usually share personal particulars about your life, and, in spite of everything, they’re touching your head.
When that bond goes bitter, for no matter purpose, it may be onerous to half methods.
When you can muster up the braveness, inform her instantly that you simply haven’t been happy along with your hair for some time, and you’ll attempt one other stylist. Guarantee her that it’s not private, however that is your choice. Then, if you see her in church, greet her warmly.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
