DEAR HARRIETTE: I owe a pal a large amount of cash, and it’s time to pay — however I don’t have it.
It’s not as a result of I’m being negligent. I’ve been out of labor for an prolonged time frame. The payments have been piling up, and I don’t have any cash.
That doesn’t change the truth that I owe this pal cash. I’ve been dodging him for weeks now, however that’s not like me.
I don’t wish to be the type of one that doesn’t face their duties. What do I say to my pal once I can’t cough up a test?
— In Debt
DEAR IN DEBT: Inform your pal the reality. Apologize for not having the ability to honor your dedication to pay them again presently.
Make it clear that it isn’t your intention to overlook the deadline to pay them again. Clarify your circumstances — particularly, that you’re nonetheless out of labor with none technique of incomes cash presently. Promise to start paying them again the second you begin incomes cash once more.
Search for totally different sources of revenue, too. Examine to see if there may be any authorities help that may show you how to within the quick time period. Search for jobs exterior your space of experience. Don’t quit.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going via a troublesome time emotionally. My mother is in hospice care, which implies she is nearing the top of her life.
We’re very shut. It’s apparent that she has a restricted time to stay, however it’s nonetheless arduous to witness.
After I discuss to mates about it, I notice that most individuals don’t pay attention.
I’ve referred to as my closest mates simply to have the ability to share with them, and inevitably they’ll soar in with recommendation or a narrative of their very own — with out taking the time to listen to what I’m saying. I do know that individuals do that, and normally I simply go alongside and allow them to interrupt me, typically getting again to no matter I used to be saying and typically not, however I’m not inclined to permit this butting in proper now.
I’ve pushed again a bit, asking them to let me end my level earlier than they soar in. A few mates have been bowled over as a result of I don’t usually do this.
Am I mistaken to face up for myself and ask my mates to pay attention for a change?
— Shut Up and Hear
DEAR SHUT UP AND LISTEN: Many individuals are unhealthy listeners. Plus, out of affection for you and discomfort in regards to the scenario, some routinely attempt to determine options to no matter issues they’re listening to and rush to supply help.
In actuality, the help you want is a compassionate listening ear, not phrases — no less than not instantly.
It’s completely OK so that you can converse up and say what you want. Once they soar in to supply recommendation earlier than you will have accomplished a sentence, cease them and say, “Wait a minute. Let me finish my thought, please.”
In the event that they soar in with recommendation on find out how to deal with a scenario and that’s not what you want, inform them what you want most is for them to pay attention. You don’t have the capability to listen to their recommendation proper now.
Additionally, you will possible discover that some mates usually are not the very best folks to contact proper now. Those that can not or is not going to be prepared to only be current for you aren’t those to have interaction at this tender second.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
