Expensive Eric: I’m a lesbian in my late 60s. Lately I had a dream of a girl I knew again within the ’70s.
I used to be very taken by her; despite the fact that I knew I used to be homosexual and confused, I married my boyfriend anyway. However she and I and different buddies went on espresso breaks for a few years, and she or he at all times sat throughout from me. Typically I caught her gazing me and her face would flip crimson.
Again then I used to be afraid to strategy and ask a girl on a date, as many people have been.
Now again to 2025, I’m single, and I figured I’d look her up and say hello. I noticed by a number of web sites and media websites that she was not married and by no means was. What have been the possibilities of that since she was so fairly again then?
So, I phoned her house, and nobody picked up, and I left a message. I attempted to message her on Fb, and, to my shock, I couldn’t message her as a result of she blocked me. That was so unusual. What did I do?
So, I drove to the place she lived and when she got here out of her home, I known as out to her. She stated she didn’t know me and I might inform she was mendacity as a result of she was getting nervous. So, I simply dropped the entire thing. I didn’t need to scare her and make her suppose I used to be a lunatic.
This actually bothers me as a result of I requested a pal of hers in regards to the state of affairs and the pal ghosted me too. What’s going on? Can’t get any solutions. What’s your tackle this?
– Later Love
Expensive Love: One thing else is happening within the background right here. Please let this reconnection go.
There’s a model of this situation that performs out like a film. However the Fb block, the non-public interplay and your different pal’s response counsel that this plot line shouldn’t be a shared objective.
No, they don’t counsel it. They’re emphatic.
A few of this conduct is regarding – going to her home, as an example, is a step too far. So, please test your pondering and run concepts by your folks earlier than you do them, sooner or later.
A number of the power you wished to have up to now, however couldn’t due to societal pressures, skewed this interplay within the current. That doesn’t imply you’re unworthy of a connection. You might be. This wasn’t the correct one and she or he tried to make that clear by not responding to your telephone name.
When testing the waters, it’s necessary to concentrate to nonverbal cues and respect individuals’s boundaries. Sooner or later, strive a cooler strategy. The one who is for you’ll match your power.
Expensive Eric: My lovely greatest pal/daughter handed away from breast most cancers seven months in the past.
I used to be her caregiver for nearly three years and am devastated by shedding her.
I’ve tried a pair instances after she handed away to start out writing thank-you playing cards to those that despatched flowers, did meals dropoffs and visited. However I find yourself hysterical and easily put it apart for one more day. I’ve given a number of playing cards to her greatest buddies and thanked others through private messages on social media.
Is it ever thought of too late to ship thank-you playing cards acknowledging those that have been there for my daughter and myself throughout her sickness and funeral companies and the way a lot I appreciated them?
– Nonetheless in Grief
Expensive Nonetheless in Grief: I’m so sorry for the lack of your daughter. You’ve been via one thing terrible and there’s no timetable for the way you navigate this era after. And that features thank-you notes.
So, brief reply: it’s by no means too late to ship them. You additionally don’t should ship them in any respect.
Grief is seismic, it’s ever evolving, and it adjustments the course of our lives. Typically, the fundamental issues in life – consuming, paying payments – turn into a problem. And people who know us, or understand how all-encompassing grief will be, perceive that. So, belief that your folks and family members aren’t sitting by the mailbox ready in your reply to their gesture.
Even when there are individuals in your circle who’re ready for a thank-you be aware, or an acknowledgement that what they did made a distinction, it might come in your schedule.
The principle precedence is that you just permit your self the time it is advisable to heal. Your response to the notes you’ve tried to put in writing is telling you what you actually need. It’s not the time but. And if it’s by no means the time, that’s OK, too.
Those that reached out weren’t searching for thanks; they wished to offer you consolation. It’s proper to search out solace in that consolation now with out asking extra of your self.
Ship inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Field 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Comply with him on Instagram @oureric and join his weekly publication at rericthomas.com.
