DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend lately proposed to me, and I stated no — not as a result of I don’t wish to marry him, however due to how he did it.
He proposed at a baseball sport in entrance of an enormous crowd, and it felt fully flawed for me. I don’t even like sports activities, and he is aware of that.
I’ve all the time dreamed of a extra intimate and significant proposal, one thing that displays who we’re as a pair. As a substitute, I felt caught off guard, uncomfortable and even a bit of embarrassed.
I panicked and stated no within the second, however now I’m questioning if I overreacted.
The factor is, this isn’t simply in regards to the proposal itself. It makes me query whether or not he really understands me and what I worth.
If he had put thought into making it private and particular, I might’ve stated sure in a heartbeat.
Now I’m left feeling disillusioned, and I don’t know if I ought to simply transfer previous it, have him attempt once more or take this as an indication that we would not be as appropriate as I assumed.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this manner? Ought to I discuss to him about redoing the proposal in a manner that feels proper for me, or is that this a crimson flag about our future collectively?
— Proposal Gone Unsuitable
DEAR PROPOSAL GONE WRONG: Sit down and discuss to your boyfriend. Apologize for reacting so strongly and negatively to his proposal. Clarify that he caught you off guard. Then inform him particularly the way you felt.
Remind him that you just don’t like sports activities, so that you felt like his proposal didn’t take you or your emotions into consideration in any respect. This led you to surprise if he is aware of what you worth.
Inform him that you’re open to marrying him, however now you’re involved whether or not you two are on the identical web page. Ask him to share his causes for proposing in that manner.
Strive to not be accusatory as you discuss to him, or he would possibly clam up and cease speaking.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up with Christian dad and mom and Christian mates at a Christian church.
I consider in God and skim my Bible infrequently, however I battle to confidently name myself a Christian. A part of me appears like I don’t do sufficient, and I’m wondering if I’d be criticized by those that do greater than me.
Is it regular to really feel so insecure about my very own religion?
— Christian in Coaching
DEAR CHRISTIAN IN TRAINING: There’ll all the time be individuals who doubt who you’re, how sturdy your religion is and what you do together with your life. Don’t concern your self with these individuals.
As a substitute, if you wish to have a greater understanding of your religion and your position in it, contemplate going to grownup Bible faculty. You might be by no means too previous to check or to deepen your religion. Maybe your church gives such a program. If not, look on-line. Your denomination might have particular programs, workshops or immersion actions that create alternatives to dive into your religion.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their goals. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
