DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be hospitalized for 17 days as a result of problems from a cancer-related surgical procedure. Throughout that point, my sister drove 80 miles a day to see me. She was very variety and affected person.
I’ve recovered, and I now stay in an assisted-living facility.
My sister has turn out to be overbearing: lecturing me on what I eat, how I hold my room, how I deal with my diabetes, on and on.
I’ve instructed her that it makes me really feel unhealthy, however nothing has modified. Lastly, I instructed her that my solely drawback was her choosing on me.
I’ve to see her as a result of she brings my medicines; in any other case, I’d go no-contact.
Any recommendation on how you can deal with this might be tremendously appreciated.
GENTLE READER: You do know, don’t you, that your sister is consumed with fear about you and is frantic to assist?
Not that her nagging helps. Miss Manners understands how exasperating it’s. However to expel your sister out of your life could be a merciless response to her concern for you, and the helpful providers she renders you.
Asking frankly that she cease nagging hasn’t helped, both, though it may need for those who had requested extra gently. We must attempt a sneakier methodology, however it depends upon your not reacting to provocation. Are you able to handle that?
She says, “You shouldn’t be eating that,” and also you say, “You’re so nice to come out in this weather.” She says, “This room is a mess,” and also you say, “Did you have trouble parking?”
Otherwise you simply shut your eyes, wait a beat or two, after which say, “Oops, I must have dozed off.”
In fact, your sister could report back to the employees that you simply appear to be wandering mentally. So that you would possibly take the precaution of mentioning to the employees, gently and amusedly, that your sister is afraid you aren’t paying ample consideration to her affectionate nagging.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Generally individuals enthusiastically inform me one thing they assume I don’t know, notably about my areas of experience.
Saying “I already knew that” sounds condescending. Pretending I didn’t know, and saying one thing like “That’s interesting,” appears passive-aggressive.
I’ve been accused of competing within the first case and mendacity by omission within the second.
Might you please suggest a well mannered and sort option to reply?
GENTLE READER: This can be a case for the improv conference of “yes and.”
You hear politely and take it from there — elaborating on the topic, skipping the responses you’ve gotten tried prior to now.
Miss Manners is not going to object in case your taking on the dialog exhibits that you recognize way more concerning the topic than the one who started it — maybe much more than they’re able to understanding.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you assume the phrase “I appreciate you” is a poor substitute for “Thank you”?
The phrase appears phony. I’d quite be thanked than be instructed that I’m appreciated! What are your ideas?
GENTLE READER: That it’s churlish to deprecate politeness. There may be little sufficient of it going round.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
