DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 67-year-old man who works out frequently at a fitness center. The fitness center is open 24/7, and members have a key fob to enter since it’s not at all times staffed.
I used to be exercising at 9 p.m., and the one different particular person there was a younger, engaging lady, in all probability in her 40s. We exchanged pleasantries.
Once I was completed with my exercise, I spotted I didn’t really feel snug leaving a younger lady alone there at night time. I used to be particularly involved about her strolling out to her automotive by herself.
After my exercise, I sat on a bench close to the door, ready for her to complete so I might ensure that she bought to her automotive all proper.
Miss Manners, I didn’t maintain speaking to her whereas she completed exercising; I simply checked out my cellphone quietly. I did nothing untoward to her.
As she left the constructing, she mentioned, “Have a good night.” Then I watched her from contained in the fitness center to verify she bought in her automotive safely. After she drove off, I left. I deliberately waited till her automotive drove away earlier than leaving so she didn’t assume I used to be attempting to comply with her.
A number of days later, the fitness center proprietor approached me and mentioned that after I’m completed exercising, I want to depart instantly and never linger. He mentioned this was for the security of all members.
Security! That’s precisely why I used to be “lingering”!
Did I do one thing improper right here? Ought to a person not attempt to maintain a lady secure? I assumed I used to be being chivalrous.
GENTLE READER: How was the younger girl alleged to know that?
If she, such as you, worries about unusual males focusing on her — effectively, what do you seem like, hanging idly round whereas she is alone within the fitness center?
Miss Manners is all for individuals watching out for each other. However the hassle with chivalry is that the chevalier decides what’s finest for the girl with out consulting her.
You possibly can have mentioned, “If you’re concerned about safety in the parking lot, I could stay and watch from the window to make sure you’re OK.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it dangerous manners to inform an previous person who she appears to be like younger for her age?
GENTLE READER: Can’t you simply inform her how good she appears to be like?
Miss Manners is conscious that the society considers it a humiliation to get older, and subsequently most individuals are flattered to “pass” for ages youthful than their very own.
Nonetheless, those that don’t settle for that premise contemplate it patronizing to be handled as in the event that they do — to be addressed as “young lady” or “young man” when one is clearly not, for example. And there’s no want to connect that to a praise.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My troublesome mother-in-law has misplaced her husband. I don’t need to do something for her, since she by no means appreciates it and at all times desires extra. However I really feel dangerous for her, since she is previous and alone.
There are two sisters, however they don’t have a relationship together with her.
I’m confused. What ought to I do?
GENTLE READER: You imply aside from immediate your partner to assist his or her mom?
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
