DEAR ABBY: I’m a troubled older man. I used to be married with three kids, however I drank an excessive amount of.
My spouse and I divorced after 20 years of marriage. We have been each flawed. I’ve been remarried and divorced since.
My kids grew up, and we had a terrific relationship. I had a terrific relationship with my grandchildren as effectively.
Over the previous 41 years, I’ve had 40 years of (nonconsecutive) sobriety. I’m 21 years sober at current.
Ten or 12 years in the past, my first spouse started speaking unhealthy about me, telling tales of once I was youthful. A few of them are correct, however many are embellished. My oldest daughter joined her mom within the storytelling.
These tales have grown to monumental proportions, and two of my kids and a number of other of my grandchildren now not wish to have contact with me. They are saying “a toxic person never changes.”
I’ve at all times labored, by no means been arrested, retired from an organization, had a lifetime of volunteer actions in my neighborhood and am revered by most of my friends.
I miss my household. What can I do?
— LONELY IN MISSOURI
DEAR LONELY: Your ex-wife has advised these tales as a result of she has an ax to grind. Her motives are usually not pure.
Your oldest daughter most likely witnessed among the outrageous habits you exhibited while you drank whereas she was fairly younger. If these are her reminiscences of you, she has a proper to repeat them.
Nevertheless, it might be time so that you can remind your whole grown kids that you’re now not the particular person you have been while you have been ingesting, that you’ve got had 21 years sober and are usually not “toxic” (a time period that’s tossed about too incessantly nowadays), and also you wish to have a relationship with them.
Nevertheless, if they’re unwilling, you’ll have to type different relationships so that you aren’t utterly remoted. Loneliness generally is a killer.
DEAR ABBY: When my niece walks right into a room, she instantly takes over any conversations in progress.
Everybody has allowed this to proceed, so I assume they’re OK with it. Nevertheless, I discover it extraordinarily impolite and disrespectful. I’ve usually gotten up and gone residence slightly than confront her, which seems to be condoning her habits.
Is there a solution to confront her with out her or the household getting mad at me, or ought to I simply preserve “going home”?
— HURTING EARS IN OREGON
DEAR HURTING EARS: There are two varieties of individuals on this world. The primary are those that enter a room and say, “Here I am!” The second are those that enter and say, “There you are!”
The primary people are self-centered. The second are people who find themselves really welcomed.
As a result of the household has condoned your niece’s habits for years, I don’t assume saying something to her now would assist the scenario. For a fast exit, ensure that your automobile is parked someplace accessible.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
