DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I stay individually, and currently, I’ve been getting the sensation that he is likely to be avoiding me.
Usually, we spend time with one another solely on weekends, at one among our properties or on a date, or each. That frequency hasn’t modified, however I really feel that even once we speak usually, if I ask what he’s as much as or if he has plans, he’s at all times fast to say he’s busy.
It appears like he’s making an attempt to shut off his calendar earlier than I can attempt to ask for a few of his time.
Truthfully, more often than not once I’m asking, it’s only for dialog, not as a result of I needed to do one thing with him.
What ought to I make of this? Why does it really feel like he’s making an attempt to say a boundary of some type?
— Saved at Bay
DEAR KEPT AT BAY: Inform your boyfriend how you feel, and ask what’s going on. One thing has modified. You could have a sense, however you can not learn his thoughts, so that you anticipate him to maintain you within the loop.
Belief your intestine. If he acts such as you’re delusional, stand down and observe what comes subsequent. Let his actions information yours.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been relationship somebody for nearly two months now. Earlier this week, my date advised going out to have fun my thirty fifth birthday.
It’s been some time since I’ve celebrated my birthday with a lady I’m concerned with, and fairly frankly, I used to be flattered.
My birthday got here round, and my date took me to a enjoyable restaurant with nice atmosphere and meals. When the invoice got here, I didn’t attain for it as a result of I assumed she was gifting me the expertise. After some time of it sitting between the 2 of us, she requested if I used to be able to go. I replied, “Yes.” She giggled and pushed the invoice towards me and stated, “Well, let’s close out.” So I did.
Since we began relationship, I’ve at all times paid, however I believed my birthday can be an exception. I attempted to inform her jokingly on the experience residence that I believed she was going to maintain it this time, and he or she requested what would make me assume that. The remainder of the automotive experience was silent.
As a person, I take pleasure in catering to my romantic accomplice, however when am I allowed to anticipate the identical?
— Birthday Remedy
DEAR BIRTHDAY TREATMENT: You weren’t flawed to imagine that your date was going to pay for the birthday dinner. Now you realize it is advisable set up a little bit of readability.
Sure, it can possible be an ungainly dialog, however you are able to do it. Overlook the jokes and inform her you might have one thing severe you wish to talk about together with her. Inform her how completely satisfied you have been when she provided to take you out in your birthday; it touched you. Naturally, you anticipated that because it was her invitation, she was footing the invoice.
If she then says that you just at all times pay the invoice, you may acknowledge that and even say that you’re considerably old school, so you might be accustomed to paying. Nevertheless, if somebody clearly invitations you to do one thing, it’s understood that they’re paying for it until it’s in any other case said.
Additional nonetheless, in a relationship — which I might argue you two are in at two months — the expectation shouldn’t be that you just pay for every thing. Because you haven’t established that, now could be the time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
