DEAR ABBY: My finest buddy of 40 years, “Savannah,” has been in a nasty marriage for 20 of these years.
Her husband has cheated on her repeatedly. He can’t hold a job, and he emotionally abuses her and her daughter. Now that she’s lastly fed up, he refuses to go away the home.
Regardless of how dangerous his conduct has been, Savannah is doing nothing to maneuver the divorce ahead. She continues paying for his journey and consists of him in household get-togethers in what she calls a “sacrifice,” made at her daughter’s request.
It has been extremely troublesome to be supportive, hear about how dangerous this has been, assist her when she says she’s getting out, after which hear that for one purpose or one other he’s nonetheless there.
After I problem her and recommend she’s making excuses for not progressing with the divorce, she turns into defensive and shuts down the dialog.
During the last two years, she has taken to calling me twice a day, and turns into annoyed if I don’t reply. I’ve requested her to cease telling me tales about her husband’s conduct — which normally lasts per week or two.
I’m at my wits’ finish about methods to be a very good buddy with out taking up the stress of her horrible scenario and feeling typically overwhelmed by her outreach.
What can I do to assist her but additionally forestall our friendship from imploding?
— WEARY FRIEND IN MICHIGAN
DEAR WEARY FRIEND: What you might must do is settle for that one of many causes Savannah’s dysfunctional marriage has lasted so long as it has is as a result of she needs it to.
She doesn’t want to maneuver ahead as a result of she has you to dump on when the stress turns into too nice.
It could be time to cease specializing in what you are able to do to assist Savannah and focus on what it’s good to do to assist your self. If meaning stepping again and letting her discover options to her issues with out your assist, don’t really feel responsible for doing it.
DEAR ABBY: For years, a gaggle of us former co-workers has been going out to dinner as soon as a month.
My daughter is a part of the group and can be the youngest. These days, she has been dismissed and ignored by two members of our group (there are six of us).
Being her mom, I’m harm by how they’ve handled her.
She has stopped going out with us, however I’m unsure if I also needs to cease. They’ve been nothing however good to me.
I’m misplaced on what to do anymore — to go, or to not go?
— HURT IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR HURT: Have you ever requested these two former co-workers why they made your daughter really feel unwelcome? Their conduct was impolite. Have you ever requested the 2 who had been welcoming what they consider all of this? Maybe you (and your daughter) would really feel extra comfy socializing with solely them.
That stated, I don’t assume it’s best to drop out of the group should you get pleasure from their firm.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
