DEAR ABBY: I obtained married at 27 as a result of I used to be careless and obtained her pregnant. We now have three grownup kids and a 16-year-old.
I haven’t been completely happy, however I instructed myself that when the children get on their very own, I’ll transfer on.
Nicely, I just lately met somebody. She’s a divorcee, and we now have gotten collectively a couple of instances. She invited me to maneuver in together with her. Once I instructed her I simply couldn’t, she moved out of state.
I really feel misplaced as a result of we talked nearly day-after-day, and she or he doesn’t need to speak with me in any respect now. I’m not mad at her; I’m indignant with myself.
Assist me cope with this, please.
— SEARCHING IN OHIO
DEAR SEARCHING: You state that you simply “told yourself” that when the children had been on their very own, you’d transfer on. Did you share these ideas together with your spouse?
In the event you married her solely to “legitimize” your firstborn, how did you wind up the daddy of 4? There might need been fewer if you happen to had instructed her what you had been considering.
You point out that your youngest is now 16. Which means in two years they are going to be thought of an grownup. Are there plans for faculty? Will you be supporting this youngster till the age of 21?
A method to “deal with this” can be to kick your self for leaping the gun on the romance.
I’ll additionally say this: The girl you concerned your self with has a superb head on her shoulders and proved it by distancing herself from you.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be just lately knowledgeable that my teenage granddaughter is figuring out as a boy, preferring a male identify and utilizing he/him pronouns.
The mother and father are supportive, to a degree. The mom makes use of the popular identify and pronouns. The daddy helps the usage of this identify and pronouns in class and elsewhere, however at house he nonetheless makes use of the delivery identify and feminine pronouns. He has apparently made this clear to the kid, who accepts the scenario.
My spouse agrees with the daddy. I do as effectively, however I need to keep a relationship with my grandchild.
Prior to now, we now have largely communicated by way of textual content or by mail. We haven’t seen one another in individual in a few years, apart from a brief drive-by go to throughout COVID.
I’d like her to know I really like her, and I hope she has an exquisite future, however I’m extremely unhappy about this example. How do I attain out to her? What do I say?
— CONFLICTED IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR CONFLICTED: Attain out to your grandchild as you at all times have, by way of textual content or mail utilizing his most well-liked identify.
As an alternative of being “sad,” be glad he is ready to authentically specific who he actually is.
There may be a lot discrimination in opposition to transgender folks of all ages, so proceed letting your grandchild know he’s liked and accepted by his grandparents. If you want extra details about easy methods to attain a degree of higher understanding, a corporation referred to as PFLAG could be useful.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
