DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be introduced as much as all the time be well mannered to others, however as I attain 50, evidently society cares much less about this.
Typically even ordering a espresso is fraught with potential misunderstanding. Frequent decency is misinterpreted as “hitting on” somebody, when all I’m doing is attempting to be good.
Typically I really feel like simply being abrupt, as my politeness will get rejected so continuously. I imagine different males expertise this, too.
GENTLE READER: Earlier than Miss Manners admonishes the remainder of the rude world and rushes to your support, she desires to examine on a couple of key issues:
Does your “trying to be nice” embody calling servers “honey” or “sweetie”? Trying wherever apart from their eyes when ordering? Making feedback on their bodily look in any approach?
Did you reply “no,” “no” and “definitely not!”? Nice.
The world can certainly be impolite, however you will need to soldier on being well mannered anyway. That’s the solely strategy to make it higher.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m searching for a well mannered strategy to rein in a pal who’s overly beneficiant.
I’m in a group of mates that gathers continuously within the summers for potluck dinners by the lake. For years, the textual content chain has seemed like: “Great, I’ll bring a salad!” “Will be there. I have some burgers I can bring.” “OK! I’ll bring brownies.” It’s low-key and enjoyable.
A number of occasions, this pal has introduced that she simply made, say, 10 further brief ribs or two further pots of chili — and an enormous salad, and a facet dish. And he or she’ll simply deliver all of it.
Whereas that is actually improbable a few times, as a repeated apply, I really feel it modifications the communal method we’ve had by design. What do you advise?
GENTLE READER: “Your feasts are more than generous, but I think that others would like to contribute. If you don’t mind just bringing one dish, instead of so many, there will be less burden on any one of us. Plus, we get to try one another’s cooking.”
Which, now that Miss Manners thinks about it, stands out as the motive why this pal took over the meals within the first place.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be devastated to study yesterday that my neighbors’ younger grownup son handed away.
I have no idea these neighbors effectively. Our youngsters are the identical ages, however attended completely different faculties and infrequently performed collectively. I watched this younger man develop up, however principally via my window.
I occurred to be up late final evening and noticed the mother and father coming back from the hospital. I considered approaching them and asking in the event that they want to come to my home for some house earlier than going residence to their youthful children, however I made a decision that will almost definitely be intrusive.
Apart from sending a sympathy card, what ought to I do that will be a kindness to them, relatively than drawing consideration to myself?
GENTLE READER: Gently ask in the event that they need assistance with the youngsters. Guarantee them that they, and the entire household, are welcome at your home any time.
Miss Manners shouldn’t be sure that they may settle for, however it’s a type gesture, and one thing they could effectively admire and discover helpful sooner or later.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
