DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a stepmother to a 15-year-old lady, and I’ve been struggling to love her.
She moved in with my husband and me full-time final yr, and whereas I knew this transition wouldn’t be simple, I didn’t anticipate how a lot pressure it could convey into our family.
She’s opinionated, moody and infrequently disrespectful to each me and her father. She talks again, doesn’t comply with home guidelines and makes little effort to construct a relationship with me.
I’ve tried to be affected person and understanding, reminding myself that she’s a youngster coping with her dad and mom’ divorce and a brand new dwelling association. Nonetheless, I can’t shake the resentment that’s build up.
What makes it tougher is that my husband and I don’t at all times agree on how you can deal with her habits. He typically takes a extra lenient strategy, whereas I really feel like we have to implement stricter boundaries. This has led to arguments between us, which provides to the stress.
How can I work on enhancing my relationship with my stepdaughter and managing my very own emotions of frustration?
— Stepmother
DEAR STEPMOTHER: You and your husband have gotten to return to an settlement on family guidelines (together with clearly outlined penalties when they’re damaged), which you decide to implementing collectively.
Proceed to supply like to your stepdaughter, however achieve this whereas reinforcing what respectful habits appears like. Handle the disrespectful communication, and make it clear that it’s unacceptable. Set up penalties that you just reinforce. Additionally, create many alternatives to bond and present your loving help — even when it’s laborious for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling to deal with the poisonous dynamics inside my workforce at work.
As a substitute of collaborating to unravel issues or enhance processes, it looks like everybody is consistently pointing fingers and blaming each other for errors. This blame recreation has created a tense and unproductive surroundings, and it’s beginning to take a toll on my motivation and general job satisfaction.
For instance, throughout a latest mission, a deadline was missed because of an absence of clear communication between workforce members. As a substitute of coming collectively to determine what went unsuitable and how you can keep away from it sooner or later, the workforce resorted to a spherical of accusations and defensiveness. Nobody needed to take duty, and nothing productive got here out of the dialog.
It’s irritating as a result of these conditions appear to repeat themselves, and the underlying points are by no means addressed.
I need to handle this subject, however I’m not sure how to take action with out placing myself in a susceptible place. I don’t need to come throughout as overly essential or threat alienating myself from the workforce additional.
How can I create a extra optimistic and cooperative environment inside my workforce?
— Teamwork
DEAR TEAMWORK: Think about bringing in a team-building professional to provide your workforce instruments to work collectively higher.
They’ll study workout routines to conform to disagree and to work collectively regardless of variations of opinions or work types. Many firms have discovered such exterior teaching useful.
Internally, create group incentives such that if the workforce reaches a objective on time and properly, everyone advantages. Encourage them to take the time to work collectively and to help each other by drawing upon their strengths.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.