DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do if you happen to’re a bridesmaid, however the marriage ceremony bills are mounting?
That is my greatest pal’s marriage ceremony, and I’d hate to overlook out, however a few of these issues are too demanding: engagement occasion, bridal bathe, bachelorette occasion, costume, hair, make-up, alterations and extra. The listing of occasions and bills simply retains rising.
Ought to I deliver this as much as the bride, or politely bow out?
— Bridesmaid Duties
DEAR BRIDESMAID DUTIES: I really feel your ache. Sadly, this can be very widespread for bridesmaids to really feel a major monetary crunch as they make each effort to be absolutely engaged for his or her pal’s marriage ceremony.
Have a look at the entire actions and bills that you’ve listed — and the rest that comes up — and do your greatest to itemize prices. Work out if you happen to can deal with something creatively, or if you happen to should observe the sport plan to the letter.
If you happen to can’t afford to do every little thing, decide what has to go, and speak to the bride. Be trustworthy together with her. If you happen to really feel it essential, you may ask her if it could be greatest so that you can assist her from a distance relatively than as a bridesmaid.
Speak to her as quickly as you may in order that she will be able to make changes as wanted.
Do not forget that the bride could also be stressed, so be clear and sort once you state your scenario. Then determine what’s greatest for you, and take motion.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, a pal invited me to a museum outing together with her and a few of her associates. A couple of days earlier than the occasion, I reached out to her to say I wasn’t positive I’d nonetheless be capable of be a part of as a result of I had another tasks that basically wanted tending to, however that I’d be dissatisfied if I might’t be a part of.
She then casually stated that I’ve been doing that lots these days: flaking.
I used to be genuinely shocked as a result of I couldn’t recall a time not too long ago after I had flaked or canceled agreed-upon plans. I requested her which situations she was referencing, and he or she couldn’t appear to recollect any within the second, however she feels prefer it’s occurred and that I simply don’t present or cancel for one purpose or one other.
I disagreed together with her and informed her I’m very intentional in regards to the agreements I make and the plans I conform to in order that I can keep away from last-minute cancellations and adjustments.
It actually bothered me to listen to my pal have a notion of me that’s so off and never even be capable of reference a related occasion. What makes somebody make sure choices about who you’re?
— Flaky Buddy
DEAR FLAKY FRIEND: One thing in your pal’s psyche is telling her you aren’t all the time there for her. She could also be feeling insecure about different issues in her life, or she could actually consider what she informed you.
Once you’re feeling much less aggravated together with her, sit down and remind her that you just love her and have been a loyal and attentive pal. You might be sorry that she believes in any other case, however you hope that sooner or later, she’s going to see that you just do present up at any time when you may.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist folks entry and activate their desires. You may ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
