DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a part of a bunch of six faculty buddies from 50 years in the past. We keep in contact by texting typically, and getting collectively in individual each few years.
We’re unfold out geographically, however one good friend and I are just some miles aside and have all the time seen one another extra typically.
I used to be to cease by this good friend’s home to select one thing up, and I texted her my anticipated arrival time. In response, I obtained what I might describe as a cross-text — a mean-spirited and unflattering assertion about my husband and me. (Everybody within the group additionally is aware of my husband from faculty.) The good friend criticized our life selections, trying down on us.
My husband and I have been each within the automobile after I learn it aloud. He was indignant, and I used to be damage, not having identified she felt this manner. I used to be left questioning who the textual content was really for. The concept that it was presumably for the remainder of this group of buddies broke my coronary heart.
I ended all contact along with her.
The group is now planning our subsequent in-person reunion, and I have no idea the way to reply, as I don’t really feel I may be round her comfortably. I don’t know if the group obtained the textual content as effectively.
What’s the easiest way for me to deal with this? The group has been a particular a part of all of our lives over these years, however now I really feel betrayed.
GENTLE READER: Our units change a lot sooner than the human situation, which suggests etiquette can often adapt comparatively simply.
Your good friend considered, wrote and acquired caught writing one thing unkind about you. Although totally disagreeable for you, it’s not the primary time in human historical past such a factor has occurred; the truth is, it’s why the apology was invented.
You don’t point out what occurred if you broke off contact. Senders usually are not all the time conscious they’ve despatched what you name cross-texts, an vital level.
Miss Manners would have had you textual content again on the time that you simply didn’t imagine this textual content was meant for you. An apology ought to then have been forthcoming, after which you would have determined whether or not 50 years of friendship might be salvaged.
If there stays the likelihood that your good friend is unaware of what occurred, you would possibly confide to one of many different group members, if you decline the following outing, {that a} hurtful textual content was despatched — with out sharing particulars — within the hope that that can elicit the apology.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Both as a result of my age or the phantasm that I’ve my life collectively, I’m steadily requested for recommendation relating to life choices, resembling if a good friend can buy a automobile, a home or no matter.
The issue is that to reply the query intelligently, I must ask questions which can be usually none of my enterprise, resembling, “What is your income? Your credit rating? Are you thinking about having children? How is your current job going?”
Is there a well mannered however direct method of asking these with out showing unnecessarily nosy?
GENTLE READER: “Is this a casual question, or are you asking for a really in-depth analysis (which I’m perfectly willing to do)?”
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
