DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been collectively for 16 years and have what I take into account to be a contented marriage.
My query issues ongoing conversations now we have been having about my hair coloration. The primary couple of years we had been collectively, my hair was grey, after which I dyed it pink. Whereas I do know he cherished it, I did it for one motive: I needed to keep away from growing older myself unnecessarily within the office. My husband knew this.
Two years in the past, now retired, I made a decision to cease coloring my hair. Since then, he frequently mentions that he needs me to return to pink hair. I’ve informed him repeatedly that I’m unwilling to try this.
He says he cherished me a lot after I was a redhead (does that imply he loves me much less now?) and that my “going gray” has made him really feel previous.
I’m dismayed and irritated by his persevering with marketing campaign to have me coloration my hair once more, and I’ve mentioned so. He even brings it up in entrance of our buddies, which feels to me as if he’s attempting to assemble exterior help for his argument. I like my grey hair.
It saddens me that my husband finds me much less engaging or that my grey hair would be the motive he “feels old,” however I’m wondering why my hair coloration selection bears that burden of duty.
Isn’t it rightfully my selection? I wouldn’t dream of directing him about learn how to put on his hair. Your ideas?
— SILVER GIRL IN NEW YORK
DEAR GIRL: This shouldn’t be an influence battle, which it seems it has was.
Sure, your hair coloration is your selection, and rightfully so.
Would carrying a pink wig when your husband is feeling amorous be a workable compromise? If he “feels old” when he sees grey hair, maybe coloring his personal hair would make him really feel youthful.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve labored efficiently within the artistic arts most of my skilled life. My downside? My partner by no means misses a possibility to denigrate my work.
If I present an uncommon inspiration or spark of creativity which I’m pleased with, they immediately discover fault and say it’s not a great or legitimate thought. It’s crushing! This might destroy our lengthy and glad marriage.
It’s painful as a result of I really like my partner in each manner. I’m at all times respectful and supportive of their skilled work.
— NO VALIDATION IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NO VALIDATION: Spouses are purported to help one another. Is your partner equally profitable of their artistic and work endeavors? If the reply is not any, they might be jealous of, or threatened by, your success. They may be insensitive about how their remarks have an effect on you.
Have you ever requested your partner why they’re trashing your work? You probably have and the response was unsatisfactory, a approach to cope with this can be to inform your partner you like that any longer, they preserve their opinion to themself, and give up trying to them for validation.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
